tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16558004.post3046406665613303628..comments2023-10-30T07:45:43.957-07:00Comments on What We're Up To.....: Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00747747919718890319noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16558004.post-71169544312982221702009-10-28T18:15:12.766-07:002009-10-28T18:15:12.766-07:00Hi, Liz, Thank you for stopping by and adding you...Hi, Liz, Thank you for stopping by and adding your thoughts. And I agree that these attitudes seem to carry through to adulthood. We all need to cry in order to process and heal through our experiences in this world!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00747747919718890319noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16558004.post-65627637501148218532009-10-26T23:43:00.959-07:002009-10-26T23:43:00.959-07:00This post really resonated with me. I see that eve...This post really resonated with me. I see that even the expression of tears through adults could use some of this perspective. It seems that our society does a poor job of facilitating a safe environment for tears--maybe it's because we're conditioned to that as really young children. <br /><br />Thanks for your honesty. It's lovely.Team ed.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05175833422342302003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16558004.post-63288725580247664662007-09-25T16:43:00.000-07:002007-09-25T16:43:00.000-07:00Ariana, I really agree. I am from the CIO group--m...Ariana, I really agree. I am from the CIO group--most of the time. It's been harder for me with Sam, because I seem to internalize his emotions easier. I loved your pictures. <BR/><BR/>Isn't it fun to write on controversial issues? I think its fun to have a voice, and I really appreciated yours.Will De Harthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12225365678493139668noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16558004.post-62523267939399207942007-09-25T11:26:00.000-07:002007-09-25T11:26:00.000-07:00Very interesting blog, Ariana. I really agree with...Very interesting blog, Ariana. I really agree with the need to release emotions through tears. I started calling tears "liquid emotions" a while back, since, as a Seelye, I don't even need to have negative emotions to cry. Or the red nose that goes with it. I have found that crying makes me feel way better, and it's also very healing, especially for releasing old pain that I didn't realize was still there. Thankfully, Amelia is young, so the "old pain" is still new. But I think the book you've read applies to adults as well as children very well. Blessings on you and Jeff both!Heidihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11676745237903376459noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16558004.post-15022973588825998912007-09-25T10:05:00.000-07:002007-09-25T10:05:00.000-07:00Ariana, thanks for explaining all that you're doin...Ariana, thanks for explaining all that you're doing and thinking about with child rearing and loving Amelia. It's so interesting and I'm sure it's healthy to love each child for who they are and where they are and to try to see things from their point of view! I've been thinking about it alot since I read your well-written piece and I can see it's making all of us think in new ways. I'm so glad that it may really be a breakthrough for your family as well... I know we're all pulling for you on the sidelines!<BR/>Lots of Love...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16558004.post-11572972537492851732007-09-24T05:09:00.000-07:002007-09-24T05:09:00.000-07:00look at that cutie! she is a lucky girl to have su...look at that cutie! she is a lucky girl to have such compassionate parents!<BR/><BR/>-carolNathanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03334274953547920291noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16558004.post-6406149377896236402007-09-23T04:55:00.000-07:002007-09-23T04:55:00.000-07:00Very well written, Sweetheart! It's great you coul...Very well written, Sweetheart! It's great you could not only learn from all you and Jeff have been through with Amelia, but could communicate it in a clear and sensible way that will help others. As supported by all the comments so far! Thankful for the breakthrough with Amelia and proud of you. --DadAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16558004.post-17180085128841257652007-09-22T16:28:00.000-07:002007-09-22T16:28:00.000-07:00After talking with you and needing a different app...After talking with you and needing a different approach with Violette, we have seen some positive changes. My fear has been that we would push her away because we didn't know how to deal with her emotions. Coming at her from a different place really makes sense though I'll admit it isn't what comes naturally and we have really had to make an effort to love her in a different, less selfish and selfconcious way. I can see it making her a happier more peaceful girl because she can let it all out and be loved and accepted at the same time.Dennis Familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01548917489682542120noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16558004.post-32817741807961478572007-09-21T15:14:00.000-07:002007-09-21T15:14:00.000-07:00Thank you for sharing what you have been through a...Thank you for sharing what you have been through and what you are learning.I don't remember having too much problem with our girls,but I agree emotions should not be punished.I learned somewhere the rule "Teach their mind,suport their emotions,correct/discipline their behavior" But some parents see expression of emotions as a "bad attitude"and treat it as behavior.My, parents surely need God's help in knowing the differance. I'm so glad God provided that book for you. I enjoyed reading all the comments too.God bless! Love GrandmaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16558004.post-63918835345190130132007-09-21T11:29:00.000-07:002007-09-21T11:29:00.000-07:00Thanks, everyone, for conversing with me about thi...Thanks, everyone, for conversing with me about this. I am always interested to hear what others think about parenting and cultural issues that affect how we approach children. Feel free to keep adding thoughts, though-- I'm not closing the topic!<BR/><BR/>Bethany-- you may want to look for the book Helping Young Children Flourish. I haven't read it, but it is for an older age group that the one I mentioned.<BR/><BR/>Leslie-- I'm sure most of us are guilty of judging other parents for the behavior of their children, especially when it makes us start sweating or wanting to scream ourselves! But it's good to broaden our perspective on these things. Thanks for speaking up!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00747747919718890319noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16558004.post-61685470311700064602007-09-20T15:59:00.000-07:002007-09-20T15:59:00.000-07:00Wow, what an excellent review of all you are learn...Wow, what an excellent review of all you are learning! I never had to deal with a baby that cried so much, so I feel so much for you and Amelia and am glad you are finding help and inisght. I can see how accepted crying would change the picture. I hope you give us more updates!ShackelMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11533566166709273000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16558004.post-25082606597443879432007-09-20T12:30:00.000-07:002007-09-20T12:30:00.000-07:00Thanks for sharing this, Ariana! I have definitel...Thanks for sharing this, Ariana! I have definitely contributed to the negative attitude towards crying children in stores, restaurants, etc. I never once stopped to think about how that particular child might be "feeling" at the moment, or to even give validation to his/her emotions. I always thought that I'd be "cursed" with a bratty, horrific child - one reason why I am actually terrified to have children. Ha, ha. I'll be calling upon you when the time is right!Lesliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10232238129701043216noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16558004.post-40518290407060176932007-09-20T10:31:00.000-07:002007-09-20T10:31:00.000-07:00friend, i'm so glad that you have found a way to h...friend, i'm so glad that you have found a way to help the three of your process through your needs together. just this morning on my way to work i heard about a study (on NPR) that was conducted on mothers who had a stressful pregnancy and the sleep pattern of their babies. i was thinking a lot about you and then read your blog!<BR/><BR/>what i think is also very important about children (especially dear amelia) being able to express her emotions is that women in particular are not allowed to express anger and frustration in our society. i think that it is a sign of strength that many women have to learn in adulthood, and are not supported in the process. how much more wonderful for ameila that she will be learning to express these feelings now in a supportive environment!dorohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07402348863616458958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16558004.post-72435748737741083172007-09-20T09:28:00.000-07:002007-09-20T09:28:00.000-07:00The book sounds really interesting. I will have t...The book sounds really interesting. I will have to see if I can get it from my library. I have been thinking about this again a lot lately as I have a nearly 8 year old who still cries much more than I think he needs to, and I am trying to figure out what the issues are. Though it doesn't happen all the time, both of my kids have used crying, and yelling style crying as a manipulative tactic or to punish those who didn't give them what they wanted. It just makes it so complex to sort out what is necessary expression and what we should put limits on.<BR/><BR/>Since both of our kids are old enough to dialog with, I try not to just "make them stop" but try to talk to them about how we can express our emotions in socially acceptable ways. Our culture probably needs to change what it sees as socially acceptable. But I hope that teaching it to them anyway, will help them later in life. I really agree with the idea that the family needs to be a place where you can express those emotions and feel acceptance. I want to try to do that more, but also know that too much crying, screaming, and "repetitive noises" drain my resources and turn me into a very unloving person. I am always praying that God will both continue to change me, as well as compensate for the many ways I am not a perfect parent.<BR/><BR/>Your paragraph on wanting to use attachment parenting methods reminded me of how much I wanted to demand feed my baby girl when she was an infant. It sounded perfect, but it didn't work with her because she would only eat enough to not starve and then wouldn't be interested again until she loudly demanded to be fed 15 minutes later. Five minutes of feeding, ten minute break, five minutes of feeding, ten minute break was obviously going to drive me to the brink of insanity. So I had to change strategies, but felt so blessed when Ethan came along and demand feeding seemed to suit him perfectly.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, sorry for the long comment. You brought up so many interesting points. I am so glad you guys have found something that is helping all of you. And thanks for the book recommendation. It is an area that doesn't come natural to me, so I can use all the help and insight I can get!Bethanyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17434794882369281944noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16558004.post-53806862480598249562007-09-20T09:21:00.000-07:002007-09-20T09:21:00.000-07:00Ariana, your thoughts really made me think about h...Ariana, your thoughts really made me think about how I respond to Anders crying and the screaming he has been doing lately. Of course it is embarassing to have a screaming child and I'm torn between "well this is what toddlers do" and "I am such a bad mom for having a toddler who screams!" I've tried everything and I'm not done trying ways to help him use his "hushy" voice. But I understand that it is frustrating to be a 1 year old who can't talk and yet knows what he wants. It must be painful to have 4 teeth trying to burst through your gums. So, I appriciate your view on being empathetic and letting the emotions be heard. <BR/>Each child is so different and it sounds like what you are doing for Amelia is what she needs.Gretchenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02902984069234093534noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16558004.post-92144001741117212462007-09-20T03:09:00.000-07:002007-09-20T03:09:00.000-07:00It's great to learn from your learning. Thanks for...It's great to learn from your learning. Thanks for going through the difficult process of expressing it cohesively. You've done a good job reflecting.Nathanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03334274953547920291noreply@blogger.com