Trying to Hold on to Summer-- and cope with what lies ahead

Portland does a really nice job of making the most of summer, and bringing everyone out to do the same. There are so many free events and fun family programs planned in all of the different neighborhoods. We missed out on a lot of it during the beginning of the season-- we didn't need any help enjoying the warm weather and sunshine, I guess! But we have realized it's almost over, and in the last week we have attended: a performance by the Portland Philharmonic Orchestra at a park near us, an "open to the public" rehearsal of the the Oregon Ballet Theatre in the park blocks downtown, a Cuban band performance, and a sing-a-long screening of The Sound of Music in a couple of other parks. Thank you, Portland!

The weather is changing. Last week after a few days of rain (it was a welcome relief from some 100' weather) I went outside and it hit me that it was turning into fall. The air was different, the light was gorgeous. I usually feel euphoric when this happens in Southern California, and it was exciting last year, too. But my heart sank. It seems like we just barely got the sunshine and good outdoor weather, and I don't think I've had enough to make it through another loooong season of rain and cold and dreariness. They SAY that last year was unusually cold and rainy and the winter was much longer than usual. All I know is that it was my first year here, and it was HARD. I keep reminding myself that we have some good things going for us to make this year very different from last year.

First of all, we took the plunge this week and got a second car. We bought an old pickup truck for a surprisingly small sum of money. This will make a world of difference for us, especially since Jeff needs the car for work four days a week. Once I got out of "I think I can handle this" mode, I realized that there was no way that the one car would really work for our family anymore, and it was unnecessary torture. Especially for a toddler who literally wakes up from her sleep in the morning or after a nap wailing "GO!?"

Secondly, I have a few friends. With kids. Who also get bored. Then there's the OMSI pass, plus enough birthday money for me to sign Amelia up for a couple of community center classes. There is also the winter garden we've planted. I think we'll have a better time finding something to do!

And lastly, I got my massage license in the mail on Friday. Whew! I am looking at a couple of different spaces today and tomorrow, and feeling hopeful about having that outlet and reducing our financial stress a bit.

So, maybe it is 45 degrees right now at 6:30 in the morning. At least our furnace works this time around!

Jonah Song-- You didn't know there was one, did you?

Amelia loves music and singing, and expects me a to have a song ready to sing her for any given topic. Jeff was telling her that we needed to get her a kid Bible, and mentioned some names of Bible stories to her. She kept asking me for a song about Jonah and the whale, so I came up with something on the spot that has turned out to be a favorite. Although I'm not really into cautionary tales.

Her other favorite song is the one in Mary Poppins where Jane and Michael come up with an ad for a nanny-- she can sing several complete lines from that. You'll have to ask her for that one yourself.

Toddler Self- Talk

We've recently come across our biggest two year old behavior issue we've had yet. While she's monkeying around (there really couldn't be a more appropriate expression!) in bed when it's time for her nap, she's been taking her diaper off and peeing in bed. (!!) I was so perplexed about what to do, but we've been giving her feedback based on her choices, particularly praising her for leaving it on. Yesterday during naptime this is what I heard coming from her room:

"Diaper off? No. NOOO. Not OK.
Diaper on? Yeah! Mhmmm. Yep. Good job!
....OK!"

She went back and forth on this a couple more times, so I thought maybe I should go see what her status was. She'd taken the rest of her clothes off, but the diaper was ON! Good job working through the issue, kiddo!

Well, how about some good news?

At long last I got my congratulatory passing notification from the Oregon Board of Massage Therapists. I actually got a rather high score, so that was extra gratifying. My licensing application will be in the mail today, so I think I'll be holding a license by the end of the month. Yahoo! Next step? Finding a space to practice in, and passing out my card like crazy. And shelling out a lot of money before I can make any for the license, malpractice insurance, and space rental. But no need to rain on my own parade, this is great news!

It's Official: I'm Unwell.

For quite some time now, I've been feeling bad. I've had some good weeks where I had more energy and fewer headaches, some relief from a small host of complaints and seemed to be able to handle the stresses of life just fine. But those weeks have not been the norm. I found a good naturopathic doctor who took my complaints seriously and has been very aggressive about figuring out what's wrong, and trying to help me get better. I had some extensive blood work done, and that came out relatively normal, with just some B vitamin deficiency and a little anemia. I was feeling better, but took a plunge after I started exercising again (because I was feeling better!) She suggested an adrenal test, so I did that a couple of weeks ago. I totally flunked. It's complicated to explain exactly what it going on, but I am in the throes of adrenal exhaustion.

If you do a little reading about it, adrenal fatigue is pretty common, and many people have elevated levels of cortisol in their system. Cortisol is sometimes seen negatively because it is associated with stress, but it is really essential. After a long period of elevated cortisol levels, the body simply can't keep up its supply and runs out. My cortisol levels are very low. Apart from not having much, the building block for making more (pregnenolone) is the same thing that is needed for many other important hormones, like DHEA and progesterone. My DHEA levels are seriously low, and though this test didn't measure progesterone, it's kind of a no-brainer that this important sex hormone will be very depleted.

The other part of my problems have been related to my reproductive system, and I don't have a definitive diagnosis yet, but let's just say something's wrong there too. Not only have I had some clear signs of hormonal imbalance, but we have been trying to conceive for about a year now, with no luck. Add to the equation a very unhappy digestive tract that just immediately gets rid of everything I try to nourish my body with, and I am left feeling very, very BAD.

So, what to do? Well, the treatment, in order of importance is: to erradicate sources of stress, SLEEP, REST, nutritional support, avoiding stimulation and having a daily routine. In addition, the test showed an intolerance to gluten, so I am taking that out of our family's already rather complicated and limited diet. Sleep, rest, and some of the other recommendations are rather tricky for me, especially with a toddler who's sleep is very unreliable. But we're all trying our best to make it happen.

I asked my ND how, in her opinion, I got here. I already knew, though. My pregnancy with Amelia was really difficult, stressful and draining. I'm type 1 diabetic, and although I was able to manage my condition through pregnancy, it was an enormous source of stress and was very hard on my body. As many of you know, we had so many struggles as new parents. Amelia cried constantly and slept very, very little. I ate my meals while bouncing her on an exercise ball for months, exercised too much in order to lose the huge amount of pregnancy weight I'd gained, then ran out of breastmilk and had to make it from scratch every day, hardly ever slept, never rested. The sleeping problems went on for a full 18 months, in a addition to a number of other little issues we have sought help for. We had little to no help or support her entire first year, and then we moved out of state, bought our first home and have been trying to settle in here for a year now. Her sleep improved significantly around 18 months, but we still have some bad weeks, and I have some of my own issues with insomnia.

I know many may be wondering at this point about why, exactly, we've been trying to get pregnant! In short, I want to have my kids and move on to enjoy them. Our family is not complete with only one child, and although I have felt at times like it would kill me, I want to have another baby (or two) and feel like I want to have a "do over" with my pregnancy and birth experiences. I don't want that to be all I ever experienced in that department. When my doctor gently told me that I should really reconsider having another pregnancy since she didn't think my body could actually handle it, I knew she was right-- as much as I haven't wanted to acknowledge it. I feel sad. But I also feel some relief from the pressure to take on something I don't believe I should right now. So, we're talking about adoption and looking into other possibilities. But not much, since I'm supposed to avoid stressful situations!

The trickiest thing about this whole situation is that I don't seem sick to most people. I have this ridiculous personality that fools everyone. If I feel terrible, I put on nicer clothes, a little more makeup, and go do something productive or fun to take my mind off of it. I clean when I'm overwhelmed. Only people who know me well realize that something is really wrong when I say I don't feel that great, since I don't go on and on about how awful I feel, and I'm probably still smiling when I say it. No one likes to be around a moaner, right? Also, I am terrible at acting sick, even when I should (lying around, being unproductive.) The other aspect of my personality is similar-- I rarely believe that I can't handle what is thrown my way. This has changed in the last couple of years, but it has been a difficult learning process. During my worst times of exhaustion and despair with Amelia, I thought that I was telling people that I couldn't handle what was coming my way, and that I needed help. Either I wasn't very convincing, I looked like I really had it all under control, or I couldn't tell that anyone actually wanted to help. I have continued coping with anything that has come my way, but it has all come at a price, and I have used up all of my body's resources.

I am particularly discouraged about my health crisis because, quite frankly, I don't know anyone who works as hard as I do to take care of their body! My family's diet is excellent, I have always loved to exercise (although I have to stop now for a while-- extra bummer,) and I just plain CARE so much about my health. They say it takes six months to two years to heal in this type of situation. We're trying to figure out all of our options for allowing more space for me to heal so I can actually feel good and have energy on a daily basis-- that sounds pretty amazing, but I'm not quite sure yet how it will all play out. On a positive note, I am incredibly thankful to at least KNOW what the official problem is, so we can start addressing it!

Hi everyone, thanks for all the well wishes, prayers and good vibes. It went better today than last time. They changed the exam, and some of the instructions were incredibly vague-- hopefully I did what they wanted me to, but time will tell. I think I'll know within two weeks. In the meantime, I am all done studying and get to spend some time with Jeff and Amelia-- reward enough for now!

Big Day Tomorrow.

So, I am taking the massage boards again. Tomorrow at 1:15, I'll give it another go. I'd like to say that I have been very even keeled about the whole affair, just studying regularly and not stressing out about it. But the truth is that I've been been going for broke with preparation, cashing in all babysitting favors and using every spare hour to hit the books. I have been ridiculously anxious about the exam, mostly because so much of my and my family's future hinges on whether or not I can practice massage in Oregon. I really need to be able to work. There is the very important (maybe dire?) financial aspect, but beyond that, it is for me personally. I love being a massage therapist, and I love being able to do that type of work. I am really looking forward to starting my own practice, having the opportunity to meet and work with people and switch gears from being at home all week.

Anyway, I have been so high-strung and stressed out. I can't wait for it to be over. Jeff went on a backpack with his dad last weekend, and his mom took Amelia for a couple of days so I could study. It was just the ticket, I was able to be alone and purposefully relax between study sessions. She also took me shopping and bought me a great pair of shoes, so that really helped too!
I call them my "lady shoes." They somehow miraculously make me feel a little more composed. Composure is something I seem to be a little short on lately...

Anyway, think of me tomorrow! Hopefully I will have some very good news soon!

Milestone: Mimi's First Wipeout

I was at a neighbor friend's house doing laundry yesterday (our washer broke,) whilst cleaning up her house to thank her. I was taking the compost out in the back yard, and Amelia found a very flimsy chair to climb on. She fell pretty badly, and beyond scraping her nose and nostrils, she has a big bump on her head, a cut inside her mouth and two skinned knees. She actually handled it pretty well. She thinks her scabs are funny when she looks in the mirror, but whenever I mention going back to my friend's house, she goes through a verbal inventory of what happened. It could have been so much worse, and I am frankly surprised she lasted this long! Surely more to come, but I still feel bad for her.

I just put my other blog to bed for a while, as I would rather just work on one, and would like to do more posting about my garden and other sustainability projects right here anyway.

On that note, we are finally enjoying some of the fruits of our labor!  I had a lot of fun the other night pulling up our potato bed.  Digging deep and sifting through the dirt was so addictive that I stayed out till almost 10 p.m, and got completely filthy.  I could have let them go a little longer, but I was ready to use the bed for something else.

From a very small patch and with very minimal dirt mounding, this was our harvest.

I used the grape-sized potatoes in a nicoise-esque salad, along with our first cucumber, the last of our french green beans and plenty of home- grown salad mixed with fresh herbs.  Very satisfying, in many ways!

I've been a bit disappointed with some of the results from other plantings-- it seems like I should be getting quite a bit more produce!  Oh, well.  We'll learn which plants will grow and produce well for us as we go.

As if I Needed Help Embarrassing Myself...

I think I can safely say that I have more Most Embarrassing Moments than the average person. Partly because I waitressed for four years, with lots of potential for spilling wine on people or flipping trays over completely to shower my guests with salad (unfortunately already dressed.) There was also that time when I was doing marketing for our PT clinic, and had arranged lunch with a prestigious doctor in a swanky Newport Beach office. I had brought fajitas, and we were all sitting around eating and the owner of our clinic was chatting up the MD, when I somehow managed to flip my styrofoam plate into the air, flinging peppers and sauce all over the room, including all over the doctor himself! The worst part is that no one burst out laughing-- it was all very serious and quite the inconvenience. Or how about working in a hospital and casually referring to conjoined twins as "Siamese twins." Nice! I still blush and curse my 3rd world upbringing when I think of that one! Oh, there's more, so much more, but you'll have to ask me yourself.

Anyway, having a child pretty much triples the opportunities for public humiliation. Amelia had her two year old checkup with her pediatrician, Dr. Ed, last week. I really like this doctor, he is a naturopath and is very holistic in his approach. He is really into parenting techniques, and while I appreciate this and have valued his input, I feel rather self-conscious whenever I'm in his office, being observed so closely. Amelia also seems to reserve her clingiest, whiniest behavior for this very occasion, so that doesn't help. We're going through potty training right now, and Amelia is doing very well. She's really good about telling us when she needs to go, but she literally says she needs to go about 20 times a day. I suspect that it's out of boredom sometimes, but she can usually eke something out.

When we got to the office, I took her to the bathroom so that she would be ready for 30 minutes of continence when the time came. While we were with the doctor, she was asking to go potty again, but I asked her to wait a couple of times, since we were deep in conversation about her peculiarities. So she pooped her pants. We stepped out to address the matter, and I discovered that I didn't have any more diapers... Or wipes. I did my best, dumping the poop in the toilet and wiping her and her diaper with TP, thankful that it wasn't as bad as it could have been, texture-wise, and thinking that the visit would be over soon and I could search the car for another diaper. When we got back to the exam room, much to my dismay, Dr. Ed asked me to take off her clothes, INCLUDING her diaper, so she could be weighed! I casually asked if I could borrow some wipes, since it seemed that I had forgotten mine, and tried to take her diaper off as discreetly as possible, praying that he would go look at a chart or something and miss the poop streaks on her diaper. No such luck. But he didn't say anything, so I just died inside quietly. I'm sure there's plenty more of this to come, so I continue my practice of shrugging off these little mortifications.

Ebay Travels

We had been wanting to switch out our living room's old home depot-esque lighting fixtures since we moved in, but weren't quite sure what we wanted. I went to look for some Moroccan tea glasses on ebay a while back, and was completely taken by the lanterns being sold there. We snatched a couple up for a bargain, and have been loving the new ambience.

The Official Daily Summertime Ritual

Afternoon homemade popsicles, always eaten on the back steps. Today's were watermelon and mint-- the fate of a mushy melon. And there's always the welcome frozen-lipped kiss.

It's Kind of Like "Stone Soup," but Prettier!

Yesterday I realized I needed to make something for dinner, but our larder was literally just about empty.
What we did have: six eggs, cream, onions, a big yam, and a fledgling garden out back.
What we ate: a tasty omelet made with sauteed onions and broccoli greens, sweet potato fries, and a great salad with baby greens, fresh herbs and nasturtiums, dressed with the juice from a jar of marinated artichoke hearts.
The verdict: De-licious! I love these cooking challenges, it's always a pleasant surprise to see how well you can eat with little to nothing.

Stop What You're Doing and Watch This Show!

We don't own a TV, but that's not as saintly/ deprived as it sounds, since we can watch shows online now. Tonight Jeff and I watched one of the funniest shows we've seen in a long, long time. "I Survived a Japanese Gameshow" is a show in which a bunch of Americans who agreed to be on a reality show are completely surprised by being flown to Japan and being put through humiliating shenanigans to amuse the Japanese audience. Have you ever seen a Japanese gameshow? CRAZY. CR-AZY!!

Let's Talk About the Birthday Girl

For the last few days, Jeff and I have really been trying to just indulge Amelia in all the things she loves most. It has been really sweet to realize that she has become this little person with distinct interests and loves. Last year, she was pretty much oblivious to everything we did to celebrate her birthday, and this year was so gratifying! Things she loves most: going to the park, especially the one with the ducks, but the number one "must have" is swings; going out to eat, mostly being in public, able to interact with and charm other diners; books (she would literally sit in my lap being read to all day if she could. In fact, Jeff and I recently discovered that she has memorized all of her books, and can fill in the blank at most pauses!) food: bacon, fish, butter, strawberries, onions, greens, and soup of any kind (it seems that we have matching palates...) She LOVES people, and talks about friends and family all the time.

The best word to describe her would be "friendly." She says hi to everyone and everything. If I tell her we're going to the park, she says "Hi Park... See you! (nice to see you.)" Then she'll start thinking about Aunt Joy: "Hi A. Joy. See you. Hell-o A. Joy. Hey A. Joy!" The funniest thing is that she says all of her many greetings with a little southern drawl, so it's extra sweet.

She is a really affectionate, kind little girl. She loves to "get cozy" with me, gives the best, longest hugs, and recently started saying "I love you," all the time. Also "I like you," which is very reassuring. She is cooperative, is easily amused, and never slows down all day. She also recently started saying "Thank you Mama" (or Papa) and that really feels good to hear! We're still working on "excuse me" after making bodily sounds that she finds hilarious, but she did say it today, so we're getting there...

The most interesting thing about Amelia is that she is so devoted to figuring her world out. If she could read and write, I know she'd be carrying around a notebook and taking notes on everything so she could go back, memorize and make connections. She literally hears every word we say, and is always surprising us with the things she remembers or pieces she puts together. She speaks very clearly, and it has been fascinating to watch her learn to speak. She really uses techniques that adult language learners would use, and quickly picks up new phrases and tones and puts them to appropriate use. She also has a very acute sense of smell, and always surprises me by accurately identifying even the faintest scents, including those of her cousins bodies (on clothes, blankets, etc.) She stops and smells all food before trying it, and knows what I've been eating even if I intentionally only breathe through my nose, keeping my mouth shut to keep her from suspecting something I don't want to share (she loves very dark chocolate!)


We are constantly pleasantly surprised by who she is, and how she is growing up. She has only gotten easier and more wonderful over the past year, and we truly and thoroughly enjoy her. I am loving being able to have real conversations with her about her interests (bacon, dogs, peacocks, cousins, parks...) Today we took her out to breakfast, and plan to go to OMSI today, with a family membership we received for her birthday, which is going to make this year of her life so much nicer! We're having a blast. Happy Birthday Amelia!

Wish You Were Here...
But Amelia had a great party anyhow! It included many of her favorite things: the park (bonus is that it has an area for dogs to play and us to watch,) strawberries, bubbles, friends and cousins.
What I love about park birthday parties is that it's a like a big playdate, and you don't really have to entertain anyone. I just made sure that we grownups had plenty of coffee, and that everyone had something to eat. Really fun! I was surprised to realize that we had 15 kids and 12 adults there-- it was nice to realize that we have that many people close by in our lives (with kids) to celebrate Amelia.



Amelia has been talking about her birthday party for weeks now, and I hope she realized that it was really happening. She noticed every single person that was there, and asked after anyone that left. She also completely gorged herself on strawberries and grapes, had orange juice for the first time, and even ate a muffin and cake (things she never eats!) so she was pretty much having a sugar trip the entire time. This picture above shows her as she looked most of the time! And the super cute birthday girl apron was a gift Jeff's mom made for her-- I love it!

We are going to do more celebrating tomorrow, on her actual birthday.

Family Photos

Well, it's been about 1 1/2 years since we've had a family photo taken-- a big no-no for people with little kids! Oh, well. My mother-in-law took these of us yesterday afternoon when we went to visit them. I can't decide which of these two are better, so I'm just putting them both up! Let me know if you'd like me to email you a file to print, since I know most family members don't have an up-to-date picture of us.

What, that's not how YOU mop your floors?

We do own a mop, but I have always been partial to scooting around on a nubby towel, spray bottle in hand, to get those tough spots. The best part of the experience is the spray, made of water, castille soap, tea tree oil and lemongrass essential oil-- nice! Cheap! I don't like filling up the sink and pushing dirty water around very much. Unfortunately, no matter what I do, our kitchen floor still looks filthy, thanks to weird pock-marked linoleum that would like to look like filthy tile instead. Do you have any quirky but effective cleaning methods?

General Family Updates

Things have been busy around here, and there is more to come, so I thought I'd stop by and give a quick rundown.

Amelia
Her 2nd birthday is in two weeks! Sleep has been up and down, but generally pretty good. We have some pretty bad nights, and they are usually several at a time, but she usually sleeps relatively well, and we are so glad! Right now she is getting some molars in, and has been feverish and miserable for the last four days. We feel pretty bad for her, and hope they come through soon. She has a real thing for her cousins on both sides and asks to see them every day. When I tell her we are going to see them she says "excited!" and makes 'can't contain myself' sounds. I will do a longer post about her soon in honor of her b-day.

Jeff
The first year of his job is coming to a close, and he is so thankful for such wonderful co-workers and a great work environment. The district has had some serious funding problems, (how's $600,000 short for serious?) and he missed the "pink slip" cut by TWO people-- based on seniority. We are SO thankful he will still have his job next year!!!! We have had a couple of his coworkers and their families over in the last month, and hope to continue building friendships with them and others. He recently built a fence around our yard with his dad and bro-in-law, and he is going to be painting the exterior of the house with his dad in another week or so. Fun! He is on an anti- inflammatory diet right now, so that has made cooking a little more of an adventure for us both lately-- it's good to mix it up a little!

Moi
I can't believe we've been here for almost a year. I still definitely feel like a newcomer. I have put off retaking the massage board for June, and hope to take it again in July. I REALLY want to start working. I recently realized that days go by where Jeff is the only person I see who knows/recognizes me. This seems very sad (and can be devastating if he doesn't seem very enthusiastic about seeing me!) and I am wanting to get plugged in with the adult population in reliable ways. We do have some friends, though, and I am thankful that we have met some really quality people that we relate to well. It's time for me to start working on wool baby clothes projects to sell in the fall and winter, but I have been preoccupied with the garden and other house projects-- hopefully I'll get motivated soon! I have started working with a naturopath on some stress-related issues I've been having, and it has been exciting to get some help with constant headaches and fatigue. I am actually beginning to feel better and my sleep has really improved. Also my outlook on life. Hurray!

Church
We have continued to attend the Mennonite church here. We met with the pastor about two months ago, and chatted quite a bit. We also shared with him what our experience with the church community has been so far-- it was really hard for him to hear, but I am glad we spoke up. We are trying to get hooked up with a small group there soon. The one they recommended to us has several young families, but they all live very far apart. That's how our last small group in CA was, and we have since decided that we want our community to be IN OUR COMMUNITY, not a 45 minute drive away. So we will see what else is available to us.

Summer
Jeff has some good chunks of time off here and there this summer. We don't have any travel plans. We'll be around working on our house and yard. Something we have never done as a family yet is go camping, and I think Amelia is finally at a point where she might actually sleep at night if we went. So that's all I really want this summer-- the first family camping trip. We are soliciting companions (camp-anions?)

Well, I could probably keep going, but that should do it for now.

New Cousin in Town!

Jeff's sister very efficently birthed a baby boy yesterday! We went to go see him right away, and Amelia is still talking about him. He goes by Rhue and is so so sweet. About a month ago, Amelia saw me holding a newborn baby (and I couldn't hold her at the same time) and suddenly lost all interest in babies. But she did really well yesterday and didn't seem to mind me holding Rhue. She touched his velvety little head and keeps saying "Rhue... soft." I tried to get a picture of her kissing him, but she just kept looking at the camera with sad little pleading eyes saying "Hungry. Hungry." We had just eaten lunch, but it was still quite moving. I know it's past wool- wearing season here, but I couldn't resist making him this little hat.