Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Relief and Dread.
All at once. After quite a long saga, lots of discouragement, letter-writing, phone-calling and waiting, I received my permit to take the OR state licensing exam for massage. I test March 19th. This is GREAT, since I have not been able to practice massage this whole time, and we have been losing untold amounts of potential income-- not to mention the joy, personal growth and fulfillment I receive from helping peoples' bodies heal themselves. But I feel completely ILL every time I think about the exam. It is a practical exam, meaning I will go into a room with FIVE people watching me and asking me questions and video taping my techniques and answers. There are about eight questions that they will draw and ask at random, and the body of knowledge from which these are drawn is vast. I cannot possibly study enough to feel confident at this point in my life, so my plan is to not really study at all. Maybe I'll pass and will have saved all of that time and effort. Or maybe I'll fail and then I'll know how to study most effectively for the next time. The thing is, I don't mind going into a room and quietly flunking an exam with my pencil and paper-- but fumbling, feeling embarrassed and unprepared in front of five peers for an hour is actually one of my worst nightmares! This kind of reminds me of my experience singing in high school. I loved singing in the choir, and was good enough at it that my teacher wanted me to be in the concert choir. However, at the end of the semester I had to take a sight reading test. I was so anxious and mortified about trying to sight read in front of the teacher that I decided to forgo concert choir the next semester, since repeating the experience was just not worth it! Stakes are much higher this time, though, so whether I pass or not it WILL be worth it eventually. But until then, I am just putting it out of my mind. Prayers here would definitely be appreciated!

8 comments:

Robin said...

Ariana, you are good at what you do. it will be a relief when it's over and you will do fine.
By the way, I had an embarrassing choir tryout while at Briercrest. It involved sight reading some random and obscure hyms while the Choir director played along. I had no idea what I was doing even though I love to sing. I didn't make it into the Concert choir...

Robin said...

btw, this is Gretchen typing on my mom's computer. =0)

Anonymous said...

You are SOOOOOO smart, that I don't think this will be a problem. You're good at what you do, too. I'll be praying for you.
Aunt Gretchen

doro said...

I'm sure that you will do a great job, Ariana!

Do you have time to talk this weekend, we have been VERY sick and I'm just catching up with life and work again.

I quite concert choir for the SAME EXACT REASON! Now I wish that I would have been more brave, but it's what I did!

Robin said...

This is Aunt Robin typing on my computer! :-) I wish you could imagine that one of the people testing you is me. Then you'd KNOW you'd get it! I'd love to see you doing your massage and I'd be very impressed with your skill, knowledge and charm! I personally bet you'll ace it!! But I like the way you're approaching it. If by some stretch you don't get it the first time, then you can just assume that this was a very good practice run.
Love you!

The Pritchetts said...

Hey Girl!
I know you will do great! I will definately be praying for you! Oh, and I found this website and just couldn't help but think of you and all your craftiness!
http://www.frankenknits.com/
You will be in my prayers!
In Christ,
Melissa (McGuigan) Pritchett

ShackelMom said...

We are and will be praying! We also think you will ace it if you can just relax and enjoy it somehow... You are always so good in an interview situation. Just focus on one friendly face out of the five and do the interview with them, Pretend they are Michelle, in South Pasadena, and then give the lucky demo-ee something to compare all future massages to-- and I know you can do that! :-)

Heidi said...

oh my heart goes out to you, will definatly be praying and thinking about you!!! I will be in your shoes soon!!!