Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Mullins Family News Headlines:
"Toddler excels in preschool environment, Mother cries herself to sleep."
That pretty much says it all, but I suppose I can elaborate a little. We had a special breakfast for Mimi this morning, and she was SO excited for her big day at preschool. Once we got there, it was hard to get her to give us a hug goodbye, she kept pointing at things saying "I need to go do that right now!" Jeff picked her up this afternoon, and the teacher said she did "fantastic," which is now also Amelia's favorite word for the day. She stuck close by the teachers for the first half, then branched out on her own and made some friends. When I asked her whether the assistant said anything to her today, she spoke in a loud, direct whisper-- "Be quiet!" Somehow it's nice to know I'm not the only one... I greeted her at home with a Big Girl bouquet which she dragged around proudly until nap time.

As for me, I was so proud of Amelia, yet caught off guard by feelings of... devastation? This whole preschool thing has been a giant mixed bag from the beginning. I hadn't ever considered sending her before the age of four, and even then I wasn't sure I wanted her to be away from me at such a young age. Alas, so many of the things that I had imagined for my experience as a mother have turned out otherwise. I had wanted to have another child by now. I had wanted to have plenty of energy to spend on those children. I had wanted to be very healthy, not tired and sick. (See this post for more details.) Things haven't turned out that way, and it's necessary to move on-- but now and then I am blindsided by grief over these losses. In the meantime, Jeff's parents are once again taking care of us in incredible ways, and offered to sponsor her through preschool for a year in order to give me the opportunity to rest and recover, and for Amelia to have some great experiences and become more independent. We are completely pleased with the opportunity. But I still came home and cried a lot. And then I took a nice, long nap-- proving that this is working already!


Bethany said...

Oh, goodness! I am so glad she loved it! And so glad you got a good nap! "So many of the things that I had imagined for my experience as a mother have turned out otherwise" is the absolute perfect statement for motherhood. I am sorry for your grief, I hope getting some rest will help. And glad Amelia is enjoying herself in the meantime.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad the day went well!

Oh motherhood! The emotions and challenges we live only to want our children to be happy and eventually independent- what a bittersweet realization. I do believe these events make us closer as mothers and women...I have shed tears watching my oldest walk into school with hesitation fearing unacceptance or my son not wanting to go to school because he thinks he's fat...ugh.

I am so happy you have this time Ariana- a deserving opportunity!

Amelia is such a cutie and I wish we could be around her more!


Anonymous said...

Sounds like you chose the right school for Amelia. So glad the first day went well and you will be able to get some rest. We will pray you will be feeling better soon. Love Grandma

Robin said...

It's so sweet to read about Amelia going to preschool. Her teacher looks very nice and I'm glad you found such a nice school! I hope that you just get to rest and relax and heal. What a blessing that Jeff's parents are giving your family this gift. Thanks for letting us know all about it!

M said...

That is heartbreaking and wonderful.