No, we didn't skip her birthday this year...  This is the first time I haven't posted about Amelia' birthday right away, but I think it's somewhat understandable, since it was all in the midst of total chaos for us as a family.  Although I did not capture the pictures I'd hoped for, I do want to record the event, since this is the closest thing I do to scrapbooking or keeping a baby book.  Life is so full, and I want to remember these times.
Amelia turned five!  Her two requests for her birthday were a crown and gluten-free chocolate cupcakes.  We made those things happen, and quite a lot more!  In addition to a tiny party at her grandparents' house, we wanted to take a day in Portland to do all of her favorite things, just as we had done the three birthdays before.  It seemed especially important since we don't know when we'll be in Portland again for her birthday.
We started the day with friends at Slappy Cakes, where you can make your own breakfast right at the table.  Our other child guest was Chloe, our former neighbor, and she and Amelia had a blast.

 Waiting for the party to start, Amelia all dressed up in her crown, and she has a big fluffy tutu under her dress.  She loved the amount of attention her crown generated, and had lots of opportunities throughout the day to announce her birthday and soak up all the attention and good wishes.

 We ordered some bottles of gluten-free pancake batter and plenty of toppings, and then Amelia and her buddy both made pancakes and commissioned some special ones, like this kitty cat.  After lots of pancakes and syrup, the staff also came out with a gluten free banana fritter, which she dug into, and this is sort of where all that left her:

 She recovered and let the sweets work their loopy magic on her and Chloe-- their antics were really hysterical!

 This is my favorite picture from the day, with Chloe laughing so hard at her shenanigans!

 That was fun, and we had a great time with our neighbors.  Next, it was off for our birthday tradition-- this was Amelia's fourth year to ride the sky tram on her birthday.

 While we were riding up to the top where OHSU is situated, our tram conductor radioed to the staff at the entrance that there was a little birthday princess on her way.  They met us with stickers and a little pair of binoculars!  That was so sweet.  We walked up to the park area up there, where a farmer's market was being held.  Amelia sampled everything and received plenty of birthday greetings.  A few days before her birthday, she had befriended someone in a bookstore.  This lady found out that Amelia's birthday was coming up, and pulled two dollars out of her purse and gave them to Amelia to buy herself a gift with!  So Amelia spent that money on a fresh-squeezed orange juice.  It was a hot day, so we soaked our feet in a fountain and rested.

 We basically spent the rest of the day visiting fountains all over Portland-- I think five, total.  We also went to Finnegan's toy store for Amelia to play for a while.

 After so many little stops, it was finally time to meet our friend Elie for our main gift to Amelia: a Moroccan dinner! Amelia has always loved experiences more than things.  We have tried many times to think of toys or presents she would actually play with, but it always ends up being a bust.  What she loves is stories, food, going new places, and learning things about other parts of the world.  Could we have a child more compatible for the life we've been living?!  So she had been really looking forward to eating Moroccan food, getting her hands washed with orange flower scented water, sitting on poufs around little tables, etc.  It was dark, so I didn't get many good pictures, but this is a sweet one with Elie.

Amelia's birthday is my favorite holiday of the year.  She is such an interesting little person, and I love to just take the time to delight her and do all of the things I know she likes.  It was a long day, but it was also great to make time in that crazy week to spend our energies on her, and Jeff and I had a blast too!

Leaving Portland...

Well, this time next week we'll be on the airplane, starting our Big Adventure. There has been so much to do, of course, and I am just waiting for the moment when we are at the airport and there is nothing left to take care of. Our house has that empty sound, everything echoing off the walls. We have an air mattress where a couch should be, that is where I'm typing from.

The next few days are just a series of goodbyes and checking things off the list. Not fun. I think we're right on target in terms of what must be done, so that's comforting. What hasn't been so great is that I have been pretty sick for the past three weeks. I had bronchitis and a double ear infection as well as a severe sinus thing, and ended up resorting to antibiotics for the bronchitis. Unfortunately, the ears and lungs are in trouble again, and I don't feel like I can do the being-a-good-patient thing much more. This is no time to rest! But I'm trying. On Tuesday I go in for a "Myer's Cocktail" which is not nearly as fun as it sounds. It's and intravenous infusion of vitamins to help get my immune system stronger, and give me an all around boost for all that I have ahead of me. Let's hope it's just the ticket!

I have been so struck in the last few weeks by all of the warmth and support we have received from everyone we meet. People are SO enthusiastic when they find out our plans, especially strangers! Not once has someone failed to express their congratulations and good wishes for our next chapter, particularly people we have just barely met. Our yard sale was two full days of verbal blessings and enthusiasm from anyone who came by wondering where we are off to. We hear all sorts of wonderful stories about how beautiful Germany is, how friendly the people are, and what a great place it is for children.

Even people who are sad to see us go have made this time sweeter. I have had neighbors just call and ask how they can help (I inevitably send them to the post office), lending us an air mattress, dishes and whatever else we might need. Another newer friend came over and helped me pack, then gave me an acupuncture treatment. The same friend announced early this week that she was bringing us dinner that day, and that we'd be going to her home for dinner the following week. She also rounded up some chairs for us to sit in after we sold all of ours! A woman who moved into the place I was working before I closed my practice did a trade with me for a facial, but then called and asked me to come back for an extra service she wanted to give me yesterday! She also loaded me up with trial sized-cosmetics, exactly what I needed for traveling. A former co-worker of Jeff's has happily taken Amelia to her house all day while we took care of business the last couple of weekends. Today we went to say goodbye to a waiter at the restaurant that I would always take Amelia to when we went out for breakfast a couple times a month. He has been so kind to us, and it was a sad and sweet goodbye-- and he bought us all breakfast! Many times, I have been very surprised where most of our help and support has come from-- not necessarily where we would have expected, which makes it even more touching to me.

Although it seemed unusually hard for me to find my place here in Portland, I feel quite loved and taken care of as we prepare to go. I am so thankful. It has also been comforting to me to experience people on the other side-- Germany-- also looking out for us, even before we've arrived. The previous tenants of our future apartment are leaving us their cell phones, and we bought some major appliances from them for cheap. Jeff's team members are giving all sorts of insider information that will make the transition much easier, and I get a real sense that they all look out for each other. I mean, someone even went out and visited the local preschools for us, and now we have a spot for Amelia in the Fall. I know I mentioned it before, but the details are all coming together so nicely! We are really excited and happy, amid all of the stress. We still just can't believe this is all happening, and again, just feel incredibly thankful.

Let's Get You All Caught Up....

Part of the reason that I have waited so long to post any family updates is that I have not really known what was going on myself! Here I will try to explain the latest.

Our House
This has been the biggest roller coaster EVER. We were in the process of trying for a loan modification for the last couple of months. Because most of our "hardship" qualifications are related to my business, I ended up writing and re-writing and re-sending versions of a profit and loss statement until it finally satisfied the requirements. This was a little stressful, since our foreclosure date was February 26th, and it was getting closer and closer. Finally, a couple of weeks before that date, Jeff spoke to someone who said that they had everything they needed, that they had requested a delay in foreclosure proceedings, and to call back in a few days to make sure the request had gone through.

In the meantime, we seemed to be having awful luck and money was pouring out of our bank account for things like car repairs and other not-fun expenditures. Nine days before our foreclosure I told Jeff, "Hey, why don't you call the bank about our foreclosure date-- we could sure use some good news right about now!" So he did call... But the news was terrible. It seems that the person we spoke to that had told us we were "good to go" was a phantom. The new person Jeff talked to said that they had never received the proper versions of the profit and loss statements, and that they had closed our case. Moreover, it didn't look like we would qualify for a modification anyway. He called again and talked to someone else, and although that person seemed better informed, the information was the same. We would need to start the process all over again. A week and a half before the auction date.

At this point, we were all set to leave for a mini-vacation at my parents' rental in Bend-- just what we needed! The plan was that Amelia would spend a few nights with Jeff's parents, then all three of them would join us for the weekend. Well, Amelia came down with a fever and awful cough the day before we were going to take her to Silverton. Of course we couldn't just drop of a sick, miserable child at her grandparents' so we just stayed home and took care of her. Fortunately, she recovered in a couple of days, so Jeff and I were still able to take a few days in Bend, which we really needed. We didn't do a whole lot. We mostly rested, and in that amount of time of doing nothing I was able to come to a place where I could say, "Even if we end up losing our house next weekend, I can handle it. We'll be OK." I hadn't been able to come anywhere near feeling OK with anything earlier in the week! Whew!

A couple days after we got home, we had a day full of good news. First, we found out that we had been given an extra month to sort things out with our house. We also found out that we could most likely do a short sale (we didn't qualify for a modification after all) and that a short sale would most likely also take care of a secondary loan that has been a huge problem for us. And the news didn't stop there! We heard from our tax lady, and because I had taken a significant loss in my business last year (not the good news) we had a very large reimbursement coming our way! We both felt like we could breathe again.

That night, we went to a fancy restaurant to celebrate all of the relief. Although the food was good, the highlight of the meal was watching Amelia enjoy herself at a new restaurant. She ordered Rabbit Parpadelle and tried the Rabbit Pate that came with our appetizer sampler, and raved about them both (she also brought the leftovers for lunch to preschool, quite proudly.) She kept saying, "What a special night. What a great celebration!" This girl was born to eat out-- she pulled out all of the best manners we've ever taught her-- very carefully wiping her mouth and fingers with her napkin, then returning it to her lap; keeping her food and used utensils on her plate, watching and copying our every move, minding her P's and Q's and telling the owner how great everything was. What fun!

All of that was really not very long ago-- two weeks, maybe? Since then, things have gotten a little more roller-coaster-y. I got some significant information that I am so glad I was not aware of last month! I had no idea that in a typical foreclosure auction, you are kicked out of your home that day. I had always thought that there was something like an escrow period in which to gather yourself, find a place to live and peaceably move out. Wrong. Our realtor spelled it out for us earlier this week, and I was completely shocked, not to mention alarmed. The reason he brought this up is that there is still a possibility that things will not go our way, and we could still end up in an auction situation. The bank will likely extend the date for us month-to-month, but it will always be a little dicey, until we get an offer on the house. So, in addition to having the house ready to be shown all the time, we are also looking at rental properties daily. I checked out four of them on Saturday. The thing is, we could still end up living here for several more months, depending on how the short-sale process goes. Or, we could end up abruptly having to leave in, oh, say... three weeks. However the most likely scenario will be that someone will make an offer before the month is over and then we're secure until the bank comes to a decision on that offer, which could be up to 90 days. Then we start that process over again-- things are not sure, but they are certainly in our favor for now.

Now that our home is on the market, it's been a little creepy to have all these people driving by really slowly, coming back and crawling by again to get another look. Or just walking over here and hanging around forever, scoping our house out. While we are rather tidy people, it is a little stressful to get a call saying that a group of people will be coming through our home in an hour-- I end up running around frantically trying to clean up and put things away (remember we have no closets or drawers to put stuff in!) I was really thankful to find someone to barter with for housekeeping. She will come every other week to do floors and windows, so at least I don't have to worry about that stuff so much.

Of course, I feel pretty sad about moving out of our house. It is particularly hard to list it at a price that WE COULD AFFORD! Especially looking at the rental properties in our price range. It is such a struggle for me to figure out what is most important as we consider housing options. Of course I want to grow as much food as possible, and to keep our chickens, but that seems like a luxury. I definitely want a place for Amelia to go outside and play, and that is looking like a difficult thing to find as well. But what I really feel like I can't abide is the thought of sharing a washing machine with 20 other people down in some dank little basement, especially with a kid that still wets her pants and sheets all the time. I just can't imagine not being able to do laundry all the time like we do now! So, we're just hoping to stay here for as long as possible, and maybe be able to afford something a bit more ideal by the time we need to go.

To make matters a little more uncertain, we are still in the process of applying for some positions overseas. Right now, we have applications in for Sicily, Stuttgart,and Vilseck, Germany. The two Germany positions begin in July, which could end up being PERFECT for our family. Now, more than ever, we feel like it would be ideal to go have an adventure, make some good money and take a break from all of this stuff for a couple of years. Jeff was just contacted this morning by the base in Vilseck to schedule an interview. This location is less desirable for us than the other two, but I think we'd take it anyway-- we're ready for something different!

As always, this whole situation really complicates things for my business. It has been a year now that I haven't known if I was going to stay and grow in Portland or not. It makes it hard to invest, both financially and in terms of time and energy-- I just don't know if it's worth it at the moment. For example, I'd like to lease a different office space, but there is no good way to decide where it should be, when I just don't know where we'll be living if we stay in Portland, or even when we'd move to a new neighborhood. I'd like to shell out some money toward advertising/ website/ signage that would pay off in the long run, but it would be a huge waste of money if we were to move out of the country this summer. So, I wait.

I have been feeling anxious and super scatter-brained lately. I haven't responded to most emails or returned phonecalls. I have let lots of other things slip, and I consider myself to be a rather "on top of it" kind of person. Oh, well. In the meantime, I am trying to find things that help give me perspective or relieve stress. Jeff and I went and bought a few new games, and I have taken up reading for pleasure rather than information for a while. I am cooking my way through a great Middle Eastern cookbook, and made the best cookies ever last week. The weather has been gorgeous, and although I am trying to hold back my gardening instincts, I have been enjoying pulling some weeds and hanging out with our lonely chicken, Carmen. Jeff and I both have gym memberships, something we decided was really worth it for the money when we are both so stressed out. I am trying to go downtown or to the waterfont and enjoy myself when I have a free morning, rather than coming back home and doing housework or wasting my time on the computer. So, we're coping. Never a dull moment, huh?

Wow, I had planned to update you on more than just our housing situation, but that was so involved that I think I'll leave the rest for next time.

Portland's (Barter) Economy is Booming!...

It turns out that massage is very much in demand, and it has been really fun to meet people and exchange goods and/ or services. Many people are struggling financially, but it works out really well to exchange what we already have or can do, taking cash out of the equation. Many of these trades are for things that make our life feel rich, but that we would have a hard time justifying spending money on. So far, I have traded bodywork for:

Hair Services
A Spa Gift Card (worth $450!!)
Voice Lessons
Grass Fed Beef
Restaurant Gift Certificates
Massages
Acupuncture Treatments
Private Pilates Sessions
Custom Woodworking
Website Design Consulting
Childcare
Professional Photography

Can you believe it? I am lucky to live in a city that values community highly, and loves to find creative ways to help one another. I am currently working on having someone come clean my house 1-2x/ month as a trade (this may be the most exciting one for me yet!) It also feels good to know that I am providing something that people really need, but can't afford.
We feel so fortunate!

2010- The Year of Possibilities

So, this year seems a little more unpredictable than most. I feel like every year we go through major transitions, but I guess 2009 was a little dull: no moves, no job switches (just all the drama that goes with being told you're losing your job, looking for a new one, and then finding at the very last minute that you have not, in fact, lost your job,) no pregnancies or other major life events. Just things breaking, leaking, or flooding and lots of big things almost happening.

But this year, this year may be different. Lots of things could go either way.
For starters, it turns out that we might not actually lose our house. We are deep in the process of applying again for a loan modification. Since we tried last time, banks have been pressed harder to play nice and actually try to help people out. So that might happen. Or we might do a short sale. In either case, it is unlikely that we will be out of here in the next month or so.

Unless... We go to Sicily in the Spring. Yes, it's back. The same position that Jeff originally applied for has opened again, and he has applied again. Things are going a little slowly on their end, but we expect to hear something from them soon. As far as we know, if we were offered the position, we would accept.

If not, I continue to work hard and enjoy the fruits of my labor (more work!) with my business. There is an office space that I am contemplating that is literally three minutes from our house (by car) and downstairs from my Naturopath's office. She is my greatest source of referrals, so that would obviously work nicely!

Also, I am thinking about finishing my degree. Portland State has a degree completion program, and I would get a BS in Sociology with a minor in either Psychology or Women's Studies. I recently applied for a big scholarship designed for women who are older (ahem) that never got their college degree. I just found out today that I didn't get it, but I am still considering the options for going back to school. I figure that if we go to Italy, that would be the perfect opportunity for me to work on that, since it can all be done online. We'll see!

Lots of things could stay exactly as they are, or we could be living a completely different life in the summer. Either way, we ware feeling positive. If we stay, there are many possibilities to be explored, and things are looking better for our family. If we go, many of our worldly worries would be relieved, and it would be a big adventure for us. What an exciting year!

Portland, Take Two....

So, we didn't get either of the overseas jobs Jeff had applied for. The Sicily position had been given to an incumbent transferring from Turkey, and Jeff's application was submitted to Germany too late in their interview process. I am obviously disappointed, but still glad to just know what we'll be doing this Fall. When we got the news about the Sicily position, we consoled ourselves by going out for some cheap, lousy Italian food. We made a list of things we might be able to look forward to about staying here:
1. Really getting my business going (for real this time.)
2. All of the time off that Jeff's current job gives him throughout the year.
3. Amelia's preschool-- they also made us a very generous financial aid offer this year!
4. Getting out of our house and being free of a mortgage and home ownership burdens for a while.
5. Renting in a neighborhood that is better than our current one-- where I might actually feel good about going for a walk!
6. Current relationships-- especially family, and Jeff's work friends.
7. Finding a church community (again, for real this time.)

In the last couple of years, I have found the process of trying to make friends, find community, and get involved here stressful and disappointing. I'm kind of pretending that we're new here again, and this time I just don't feel the same pressure to make it happen. Only this time, we DO have a few friends. And I know my way around town. And I have my massage license. And my child is sleeping at night, and has a preschool I feel great about. Let's try this again, and I know it will be better this time around.

The "post script" here is that although we are now mentally back in Portland again, we are still working with the placement agency, for an opportunity to work for them overseas in the future. Apparently, there are positions that become available throughout the year, so we'll keep our ear to the ground for the right opportunity.

Opportunities

As stressful as a job loss and new time of transition can be, I have been thinking a lot lately of the unique gift the unknown brings. We are at a crossroads again, and we have another chance to stop and ask ourselves what we want. To rehash or rearrange our priorities. To dream a little. While Jeff genuinely loved his job, it wasn't quite enough for us financially, and though I have been thankful to have a husband that works full time, I still want to be able to work and share the parenting a little more equally. As we look around, we are coming up with new ideas and some things that were merely on the radar two years ago have now become quite important. I have given Portland a good go, and am not too attached to living here at this point. My business is not in a place that I would lose much if we moved somewhere. And if we stay here, we have some ideas of possibilities we might still take advantage of. We are open.

One opportunity that has come up is the possibility of Jeff taking a job working for the Department of Defense, on a military base overseas. The pay and benefits would meet our needs, and I have been hankering for a good adventure. We are looking at two possible locations, one in Germany and one in Sicily. So far, I have been afraid to hope too much. When this possibility came up, I had absolutely no hesitation-- this is the perfect time to pack up and go. Of course, Sicily seems too dreamy to be real, with all of that ocean and sunshine and citrus fruits, the blend of Italian, Greek and Tunisian cultures (and the food!!)... Jeff is deep in the application process, and so far it is all looking positive. Still, I am afraid to hope too much-- I want to be content with staying here. Although I don't feel like we have built much here in the last two years (despite much effort,) and am feeling a bit discouraged in that regard. I'll keep you posted on the application process. In the meantime, you praying types can keep us in mind as we seek direction for our family and ask for contentment-- no matter where we land.

Here we go again...

Well, it was two years ago that we were living in California, looking for a job for Jeff in Oregon or Washington. We knew we'd be moving in the summer, but had no idea where. Many trips later, we packed up and moved, and Jeff finally had a job that he really loved. It has been a good two years for him, and we see that job as a big gift for our family. We got news this week that Jeff (along with many others) is going to be laid off in the next month or so.

So, here we are again, looking for a job for Jeff. Right now our financial situation is the most difficult it has been in our married life (although not terrible,) so there are a lot of unknowns for our family. I'm not super upset or anything-- it's just one of those situations where I feel very intrigued about what the future will hold, and how all the puzzles will be solved. His current job wasn't quite paying the bills, and my work situation has had many setbacks. We are still taking a loss on my business, but that is not unexpected, and I feel like I have a strong vision for where things will go. I am doing a lot of trainings this summer, and know that there is a strong need for the type of work I'll be doing-- but I certainly don't have any idea when it will begin to provide a steady income.

We're expecting a bit of a rough road ahead for the next few months as we try to navigate through this transition. Jeff feels a real sense of loss over his "dream job" and the wonderful people he has been working with. We were surprised to find ourselves the first people in our circle of friends and family to be in this situation, but are thankful to have some family around us for support. Of course, being the optimist that I am, I am imagining that Jeff could actually find a better job that will actually cover our living costs and be a blessing to us. We know that God will take care of all our needs, and are working hard to quell the anxiety that wants to win over the sense of peace and trust we have in our hearts. Of course, your prayers and thoughts would be appreciated as we launch into job search mode again.

Portland Daily Weather Checklist:

Giant Snowflakes.... Check!
Pileup of Hailstones... Check!
Rain, Rain, Rain... Check...
Beautiful Blue Skies.... Check!
Sleet... Check.
Mystery and suspense... Check and check!

A Big Week for Mimi

Today we went and visited Amelia's preschool classroom, and met her teacher. We have been talking about this for months, and her visit to the classroom was, I believe, everything she had hoped for. She spent about an hour with her teacher learning about the different types of "work" she'll be doing in class. Tomorrow she will begin with her regular schedule, four hours per day, four days per week. Of course, I have had all sorts of feelings about this big step. The visit today really helped me feel great about the transition, although I still feel a little anxiety about having her away from me on a regular basis for the first time.

The school she is going to is a Montessori, about fifteen minutes away. We visited several schools, and this one was very different in that Amelia seemed comfortable and excited to be there right away when we visited in October. I love all of the nature in the classroom, the gardening the children do and the huge play area outside. And, of course, the lack of plastic toys and that sort of junk. I am really happy that the classes are mixed in ages, so there will be older children taking Amelia under their wings. Jeff and I both appreciate the Montessori approach, allowing children to self-direct as they learn what interests them most, and having their activities be real-life activities-- thus termed "work." Today Amelia had a blast washing her face with cotton balls and carrying water from the bathroom in a pitcher to wash her hands in the old fashioned way.

Checking out everything in the room with her teacher.

Lately Amelia has had a lot more anxiety about being separated from me, so today's solo session with the teacher was very helpful. I am so excited for her to be able to spend regular time with other children. I never imagined that she would still be an only child at this age, but I am thankful for this option to give her more opportunity to learn to share her space and relate to her peers. As for me, I am a little giddy at the prospect of having four morninga a week to devote to whatever seems like the appropriate priority at the time-- whether it is laundry, a doctor's appt., work, or some extra sleep!

Finding her cubby-- it was really hard to get her to say goodbye and walk away from all of the excitement.

Growing up has been the big theme for Amelia this week. I didn't like the idea of sending her to preschool and then bringing her home to have her nap in a crib. We took it out, and I made a her cool "big kid" sleeping space. It took a little getting used to, but she is super proud of herself and seems to even be sleeping very well in it (this will be the fourth night this week, I may be speaking a little too soon.) I also got rid of her tin plates and other "baby" items. We'll let her keep her sippy cup for a few more weeks.... This is all a bit surreal, but I'm happy for her and am looking forward to this new season for our family. Think of Mimi this week, I'm sure she could use your thoughts and prayers as she takes these growing-up steps this week.

Mimi saying "Preschool!" to the camera.

Portland in the Fall.

I confess that last year I was too cold and depressed to really get out and see the city at this time of year, and that pretty much lasted until June when it finally stopped raining. My circumstances and spirits are much improved this year, and I have resolved to get out and do as much as possible this winter. Jeff has a break this week, and we wanted to start it off right with a fun day downtown.

Today was the last day for the Portland farmers market, and they were having some chef demos, music and other fun things happening. Man, it was THE place to be! It was packed with people, and even though it was really big it took a long time to get around. I love that Portland is surrounded by farmland, and there is incredibly fresh produce, beers and wines, cheeses, meats and seafood to choose from for a most of the year. This particular market is located in the park blocks amid PSU, and is really pretty.


I love the fall vegetable vegetable offerings-- everything is pretty funky looking, rather than sleek and shiny as it is in the summer. What we brought home: Jerusalem artichokes, chanterelles, turnips, celeriac, artichokes and a dried flower bouquet.

I am loving all of the fall foliage mixed in with the cement and brick buildings downtown.

After the farmers' market, we walked a ways to Pioneer Square, where they have a gigantic Christmas tree that they are literally trimming up and stringing lights on. Then on Friday they will "trim" it again with the ornaments and such. Amelia is newly aware of Christmas trees, and super excited about getting one. It was fun to go in search of The Giant Christmas Tree.

After we found the tree and checked out some smaller ones around it, the best part for Amelia was chasing all of the pigeons around the square.

It was pretty cold out, but we were so thankful that it never rained, and we actually had some blue skies-- that made the day that much nicer, and Portland that much more lovely!
We rounded out the day with a ride on the MAX light rail within the "free zone" to a cool toy store where we let Amelia get the ants out of her pants. I was pretty proud of us for having such a fun, full day out in the city in November. It may not seem like a stretch for many people, but at this point in my life, it seems very difficult-- yet I was pretty pleased that it was such a successfully enjoyable day and feel motivated to do it again and again this winter.

Let's Get This Party Started!

So, everything with the massage space went through this weekend, and I am in high- gear in terms of moving in, setting up, marketing, etc. I will technically have office hours this coming week.

A little info about the place. It is in a pilates studio called Imago Dei in a nice neighborhood (Sellwood) near us. A friend of mine who is a movement therapist works there, and made the connection for me. In addition to pilates, they offer body reconciliation sessions (think psychotherapy using movement, related to issues of our experience with our bodies) and there is another massage therapist and an esthetician working independently as well.

The owner opened the studio with the intention of having a ministry to women who are survivors of childhood sexual abuse, and there is an understanding that this is the most important part of what goes on in the studio. I think it's so wonderful to find a place that is more committed to helping with body issues and whole person health than strictly making someone look good or feel pampered.I also think this is a really good fit for my practice, since the type of bodywork I do is more orthopedically oriented versus relaxing/ soothing massage. The fact that the demographic is interested in growing and changing and addressing problems on a physical level is perfect, and I hope to be a good match for them.

The room I am renting is very small, but still bigger than the room I'd been squeezing some people into at home, and I think it will turn out nicely. It has been stressful to be buying things for a business that has yet to make any money. I wish I could just go shopping and have fun with it, but this is REAL money, I still have to pay for everything! Hopefully it won't take too long to get a reliable amount of work, and we can start enjoying making money on this! I am really excited to finally have my own practice, it seems too good to be real. I will try to put up some photos soon.

Trying to Hold on to Summer-- and cope with what lies ahead

Portland does a really nice job of making the most of summer, and bringing everyone out to do the same. There are so many free events and fun family programs planned in all of the different neighborhoods. We missed out on a lot of it during the beginning of the season-- we didn't need any help enjoying the warm weather and sunshine, I guess! But we have realized it's almost over, and in the last week we have attended: a performance by the Portland Philharmonic Orchestra at a park near us, an "open to the public" rehearsal of the the Oregon Ballet Theatre in the park blocks downtown, a Cuban band performance, and a sing-a-long screening of The Sound of Music in a couple of other parks. Thank you, Portland!

The weather is changing. Last week after a few days of rain (it was a welcome relief from some 100' weather) I went outside and it hit me that it was turning into fall. The air was different, the light was gorgeous. I usually feel euphoric when this happens in Southern California, and it was exciting last year, too. But my heart sank. It seems like we just barely got the sunshine and good outdoor weather, and I don't think I've had enough to make it through another loooong season of rain and cold and dreariness. They SAY that last year was unusually cold and rainy and the winter was much longer than usual. All I know is that it was my first year here, and it was HARD. I keep reminding myself that we have some good things going for us to make this year very different from last year.

First of all, we took the plunge this week and got a second car. We bought an old pickup truck for a surprisingly small sum of money. This will make a world of difference for us, especially since Jeff needs the car for work four days a week. Once I got out of "I think I can handle this" mode, I realized that there was no way that the one car would really work for our family anymore, and it was unnecessary torture. Especially for a toddler who literally wakes up from her sleep in the morning or after a nap wailing "GO!?"

Secondly, I have a few friends. With kids. Who also get bored. Then there's the OMSI pass, plus enough birthday money for me to sign Amelia up for a couple of community center classes. There is also the winter garden we've planted. I think we'll have a better time finding something to do!

And lastly, I got my massage license in the mail on Friday. Whew! I am looking at a couple of different spaces today and tomorrow, and feeling hopeful about having that outlet and reducing our financial stress a bit.

So, maybe it is 45 degrees right now at 6:30 in the morning. At least our furnace works this time around!

Portland is Beaming!

For the past two days, the weather has been absolutely GLORIOUS! Temperatures are in the upper 50's, the sky is blue and crystal clear. In places like Los Angeles, people take this kind of weather for granted all the time; not one person here has failed to notice and be thankful. Everywhere I go, everyone is grinning. And everyone is outside. Today we did a lot of yard work and got sunburns. Yesterday we went to the Eastbank Esplanade (a boardwalk along the river where people can walk, ride bikes, etc.) and it was packed. I took some pictures, since it seemed like such a significant life event a this point in winter!


Portland looking bright.

Amelia had a blast watching all the dogs and babies go by, and kept remarking on all of the water nearby.

Taking these kinds of pictures makes J and I feel like we're on a date for some reason.

We are now more excited and anxious than ever for Spring to come!

Church Update

We have continued to attend the Mennonite church for four weeks now. We have really appreciated the church's values related to serving and helping others, practicing evangelism in very physical, tangible ways. We continue to enjoy the worship services, and love that they are in tune with the spiritual seasons of the global church, currently delving into the meaning of Lent. There are so many things that make us want to be a part of this church, and we are so inspired by its mission and vision.

Attending this church has been a big struggle for me, however, because I have been so turned off by the general lack of friendliness. Not once on a Sunday morning has someone approached us to introduce themselves are ask who we are. We even went to an Ash Wednesday service last week that had 20 or so people there, and were obviously new faces (made more obvious by an embarrassingly talkative toddler who also seemed unwelcome) and afterward NO ONE spoke to us except the pastor! I couldn't believe it.

Yesterday, we went to a newcomer's lunch hosted by a young couple with a new baby. This couple was very nice and warm, and there were several other people from the church there as well. Surprisingly, the only other people who introduced themselves and were interested in chatting were the other new people-- the church people (apart from the hosts) were very standoff-ish. Of course, I went right up to them and introduced myself and asked them some questions, but the interest did not seem to be mutual. We are glad to at least have some faces we recognize and can say hello to on Sundays during that awkward time after the service, even if they are all newbies as well.

After talking to several people about their experiences in Mennonite churches, it sounds like the subculture is very tight-knit and hard to break into. However, once we are IN, they say, it's a really great, close community to be a part of! So we plan to persevere indefinitely. I'm hoping that the toughest part is over, but we'll keep you posted.

Looking for (Church) Love in All the Wrong Places...

Apart from sunshine and family, having a church community is what we are missing the most since we moved from California. I had been going to our church (New Heart) since it started ten years ago, and many people there were like family to me. Jeff and I had been fortunate to join our marriage group even before we got married, and really appreciated feeling known and supported by the families in that community. On the other hand, we were excited about the possibility of finding a new church, since there were other things we desired in a church that were missing at NH. Some of those things included being a community rather than commuter church, having a good range of ages and a wealth of "older and wiser" resources to draw from, and a more formal or liturgical setting. However, we also want a smaller church where we can feel like we know/ recognize most of the people each week.

When we first moved here, we found an Episcopalian church that was walking distance from our home. I really really want to go to a neighborhood church, because I want to see people from that community frequently, and to be able to participate in their lives frequently and outside of the church context. We visited this church right away, and really had a good feeling about it. I really appreciated that they have a healing touch spiritual ministry, and offer classes on the subject. They have a lot of other neat outreaches, and are a very warm, welcoming community. We dove right in and went to the "Journey of Faith" class about the Episcopal church. There we some things that we learned about the church that were really difficult for us to reconcile, and although we were willing to keep attending and building relationships in a church where we felt we didn't believe exactly the same things as most of the others there, if we felt that God wanted us to, what really made us decide to keep looking was the fact that there weren't any other families there with kids Amelia's age. We didn't feel there was a lot of potential for us to make practical friends and connections. However, I still felt pretty sad about leaving, since we'd been going there and trying to build relationships for a couple of months already.

Since then, looking for a church has been a surprising (albeit disappointing) adventure!

Week 1: We went to a Friends church that had been recommended by several people. The feeling there was very odd and kind of depressed. It felt really anemic and awkward. They also started the service by singing an advent hymn that described Jesus: "see how white his skin, how rosy his cheeks!" Everyone looked a little uneasy, which I guess was good. I hadn't had much sleep the night before, and was struggling to stay awake. The service seemed to go on forever, and toward the end they had their signature sharing time. Someone stood up and said they were offended by the hymn, but offered that we all experience Christ relative to our own personal backgrounds. Some other stood up to comment on this, then people offered a couple of praises/ prayer requests. Next, a woman in a fancy wheelchair a couple of feet away from me said that she had a prayer request-- did we know that Evil Knievil had passed away? The lady up front fumbled for a moment and then said that we should pray for Evil's family during this time. She started praying, and as she came to the end she prayed about Evil Knevil's recent death and for his family. There were many stifled snickers throughout the congregation, and at this point in the weird, tense service, I was feeling completely loopy. I got the giggles, BAD. I was laughing so hard that I was crying, and all I could do is hope that it really looked like I was crying. Jeff was patting my back saying "It's OK... It's OK" through the prayer time. After that there was another song and then it was over. We got out of there as fast as we could, and throughout the afternoon I kept breaking in to giggles every time I thought about Evil Knievel.

Week 2: We visited a Presbyterian Church that has a MOPS program. I've never been to MOPS, but thought this might be the right time, since I can't really figure out how else to meet anyone. This church was pretty, and was really basic. The sermon was read a little awkwardly, but wasn't bad. I don't think we met anyone, and didn't really feel any "chemistry" there.

Week 3: We decided we'd like to try a Lutheran church, and found one close- ish to us online. We should have known better, since the site hadn't been updated for seven years. We got there for the 9:30 service to find about three cars in the parking lot. We drove around looking for another church with a service time on their marquee, and ended up going home to eat breakfast and look up a 10:30 service. We found an old Methodist church in the same neighborhood, and high-tailed it over there for the service, only to read on their marquee that their service was actually at 10 a.m.! We went home, defeated.

Week 4: Sunday before Christmas. We went back to that old Methodist church we'd tried to go to the week before. We were excited about a Christmas service, and had a visitor (Luke) with us this time. We joined about five other people in the sanctuary, plus five people singing in the choir up front. They didn't have a program, really-- they just asked for requests for hymns and sang one verse of each for a little while. Most of the people were over fifty. After the singing, a young Korean pastor got up and spoke, preached a nice sermon. There was a fellowship time afterward, and we talked to just about everyone there. This church is on its last leg, so the Methodist leaders sent in a Korean couple to try to revive the church and make it a multicultural one. It turns out that the pastor is also assigned to another church across town, so he and his wife and baby go to both each week, and he preaches twice. There are no kids in the church, and it turns out that they had a really rough time with a premature baby and some health issues early on-- I can't imagine going through that in a new city, without a good community. I really felt for them, and they asked us to please attend their church. I think they knew this was asking a lot, as I am sure they're only there because they have been sent there!

Week 5: We found a very nice-looking Lutheran church in a neighborhood nearby. They also run a preschool there. Oddly enough, they didn't have a nursery, and didn't seem to appreciate having a toddler talking during the service! The church was beautiful and there were a lot of people there, but no one spoke to us. I was even in the cry room with A. with several other people and their kids, but no one was really interested in introducing themselves or anything of that friendly nature. Maybe if we kept showing up they'd want to know who we were, but we didn't really feel like going back.

At this point, we took a couple of weeks off!

Last Sunday was Week 6: We went to a Mennonite church that is still in our quadrant of Portland, but further away than all of the rest. We had heard some good things about this church, but had put off going, since in our "ideal world," we'd be able to walk to our neighborhood church! This church was upbeat, full but not large, and everyone seemed to want to be there. They have a lot of good programs, many of which relate to social justice and being good stewards of the environment, our resources, etc. We especially enjoyed the worship-- there is no choir, but one of the sunday school classes in the morning is "singing class" and I would guess that at least a third of the congregation had been attending! The singing was amazing, all of the hymns were sung in all of the parts and sounded beautiful. The nursery was busy, and although we didn't really talk to anyone there, they were at least friendly. The teaching was pretty good (I feel awkward somehow rating sermons, but I haven't been impressed by any, ever, since we left New Heart.) I think we'll give it another go.

We would sure like to make some friends and get plugged into a church community, but I feel strongly about not rushing the church finding process, since I have a really hard time uprooting and moving on. This feels a lot like starting to date again after being in a long-term relationship (10 years!) I actually really enjoyed dating before Jeff and I were together, and went on blind dates, set-ups, etc., in hopes for at least a good story, if not finding the right one. At this point, however, we're tiring of the church dating scene, especially with so few 2nd or 3rd dates, and would like to find and settle down with our true Church Love.

Feeding the Birds!

I took Amelia to the park this afternoon, even though it was under 40 degrees. We had an old loaf of bread to get rid of, so I thought it would be fun to go feed the fowl over there. Amelia has a soft spot in her heart for birds and ducks, and has enjoyed visiting them there before. However, I had no idea what kind of flock we would attract! I think the birds (are they herons?) recognize bagged loaves of bread, because as soon as we got out of the car they all landed around us and walked with us to the water's edge. I wish I had a video camera-- it got so crazy! The birds were all around us and flying overhead, squawking loudly. I was throwing pieces of bread up in the air, and the birds would hover and catch each piece-- it's a wonder we didn't get pooped on. The ducks were also eager, but clearly bullied by the birds. One bold duck got out of the water and stayed right next to us and took bread from my hand for a while. Amelia was also wanting to eat the bread, but I was nervous that some critter would take it from her and scar her for life. Later we moved to the bank and tried to give the ducks more of a shot at it.

These are just some of the birds, one side of the circle that enclosed us.


Amelia joining the feeding frenzy.


I love these action shots, especially the one below of the bird snatching the bread out of a "too slow" duck's beak!


I let Amelia crawl all over the ground, even though it was covered in bird turd-- but I drew the line at picking them up!

We'll have to do it again soon...

One of those Special Days...

It's only noon, and today is already one of those "special" days-- in more sense than one. I'll let a phone message I left for Jeff this morning do the 'splainin'.
"Hi Jeff. Happy anniversary. Thanks so much for the card and flowers this morning-- that was really nice. OK. A few things happened this morning, and I really need you to call me. First of all, when I was getting ready to leave this morning, I realized that Amelia had gone into the bathroom, found a razor and cut her thumb. I cleaned her up, put on a band- aid and went to Lili's for breakfast. When I got there, A had taken the band- aid off, and there was blood all over her and the carseat. The cafe was closed, but someone was there and let me in to use the bathroom and get Amelia cleaned up. I also realized that I didn't have my house keys, just the ones to the car we're borrowing-- we're locked out of the house. So then I went to a diner nearby to eat, and as I was ordering just now, I realized that I don't have any of my debit cards or ID or cash. It looks like they'll feed me anyway, but please call me back so we can go home somehow."

Twelve "missed" calls, a very leaky bloody band- aid and concerns about hemophilia later, we were still locked out and cashless, worrying about my cell phone battery dying, with a poopy diaper and no wipes. After quite a few more phonecalls and Joy's over-the-phone assistance, I called J's classroom and met him halfway to get the keys. Whew! The day's only half over, and it's already one of my most memorable special occasions!

OK, even though I hate Halloween for all of its grossness, I couldn't help but dress Amelia up. I added a tail and ears to some brown courderoy clothes she already had, and drew on her face with (super- washable) marker. She says "meow" all of the time whenever she sees a cat or anyone even mentions a cat. I think she was so distracted by the camera that it took a little while to get it out of her. When I was watching later, every time she heard me asking what sound a cat makes, she kept meowing, over and over again! Too funny.

Getting to Know Portland, one Cafe at a Time.


I have to admit that it has been difficult getting to know this city with a little one in tow. Her nap schedule doesn't allow us to be out for more than about two hours or so at a time, and she is also pretty vocal about whether or not she approves of what we are doing! In the past, I always enjoyed going into the city (whichever city I was in) alone, walking around town, browsing in shops, getting tea, etc. I could spend all day out, and never got tired of exploring and walking around. I also LOVE to eat out, and like to go back to the same places and develop relationships with the people who work there. Having worked in restaurants for several years, I just love the bustling environment, the smells, etc. When I was single, in particular, I scrimped in other areas of my life so that I could eat out.
Now that we have a mortgage payment and a child, it is much harder to get around the city and become familiar with the neighborhood shops. But about once a week, I go out for breakfast with Amelia. I always order coffee, a side of bacon, and a side of sourdough toast, which costs from $5.50- $6.50. Maybe I don't get to really experience each restaurant's specialties, but I can afford to go out, and I think those three things do really give a you a good picture of the quality of their food. I sit and share with Amelia while she hams it up and charms anyone who will look at her. I love getting out of the house without having to go to Target! My goal is not so much to try every cafe in town, but to find a handful where I can keep going and look forward to seeing the people there.
A favorite so far is a place called Fat Albert's, who uses all "real" food- real butter, maple syrup, etc. They buy coffe from a roaster a block away, and are always very busy, even on weekdays. The staff there is like the stereo-typical diner-- older, gruff but efficient women who at first seem like they can't stand you. But after a couple of visits, they know Amelia's name and actually smile at me once in a while. I much prefer that to those younger, eager to please servers who are working so hard to charm me into leaving them an extra buck-- although I do feel for them! And Amelia and I have a nice time together, both thankful for an hour or so out in public.
Here is a very quick video I took. Just a view I have over and over again as I take Little A out.