Sorry, but I can't help it!
I didn't really have anywhere to go for the "holiday" so I just took her to the farmer's market, and Joy met us there with her kids.

OK, even though I hate Halloween for all of its grossness, I couldn't help but dress Amelia up. I added a tail and ears to some brown courderoy clothes she already had, and drew on her face with (super- washable) marker. She says "meow" all of the time whenever she sees a cat or anyone even mentions a cat. I think she was so distracted by the camera that it took a little while to get it out of her. When I was watching later, every time she heard me asking what sound a cat makes, she kept meowing, over and over again! Too funny.

Show and Tell Time!
I took some pictures of some recent improvements. The funny thing is that most of this hapened within five hours, after a previous weekend where we had two days without Amelia and Jeff had five days off in a row, and our only goal was to get some things done-- and very little actually was accomplished! I guess that some days, things just go your way, and same with the reverse!
I started by refinishing an old piece of furniture with some shiny black spray paint-- it looks so much better, and took all of 20 minutes and $3.35!


I found some salvaged copper tile at the Rebuilding Center for $10, and finished our countertops with it.

Jeff put shelves up in our pantry, also with some salvaged lumber ($2!) from the same place. We will use these for storing canned foods and foods that we're culturing, etc. It feels great to have a few more shelves-- we're starved for storage space around here.

A couple of days later, I repainted some old shelves we had to go with their old brackets. (We've installed them in three different homes now!) We put these up over our washing machine, and I found some penny candy jars and silver scoops for the laundry soaps. For some odd reason, I have always fantasized about having a real laundry room, and putting my detergents and laundry helpers in jars....



It feels SO GOOD to see the kitchen and utility room inching their way closer to being "finished" so I can devote my attention competely to other rooms. I spend so much of my day in these rooms, that they have been the top priority so far. Next project: painting our refrigerator turqoise with automotive paint!

Well, you may have noticed that I've been in a bit of a blogging slump. I do have some home improvements to share, which I plan to do tomorrow, once I get some pictures taken. I have been in survival mode more than usual lately. After our trip to WA for two nights, a couple of nights at Grandma's, some severe teething and a cold, Amelia has not been sleeping much at all, and neither have we. Last night, we were up with her for up to an hour at a time, finally get her back to sleep only to have her wake up twenty minutes to an hour later. Her longest stretch of sleep was two hours! Getting her down for naps has also been arduous, and some days it just hasn't happened, but not for lack of trying.
I have been feeling really rundown and this cold keeps coming and going. I have been having some pretty bad constant headaches, and it has been really hard to get up in the mornings (obviously!) We have been praying that all of this will soon pass, and just asking for extra grace.

Our days have been challenging, but it doesn't mean that we have been miserable! I have had some really nice times with Amelia this week. She has a new word every day, and is constantly making new connections in terms of how the world works and in her relationship with us. It is so nice to get real heartfelt hugs and kisses from her, especially on those difficult days. She has a love and special tone of voice she uses for any "baby" she sees, which includes little ones her size or smaller, and she can now "woof" back at dogs when they bark. She is especially proud of her new ability to drink out of a little silver cup her Auntie E. had her name engraved onto, without much spilling. I just ordered a potty for her, since she has been announcing her "movements" to us before, during and after the fact with "Poop!" She also just says it for fun-- can you blame her?

The weather here has been absolutely gorgeous, and we are so thankful to be able to enjoy the drama of the seasons changing. Our house is coming together, and we love the feeling of working on our living space with the knowledge that we'll be here for more than a year, and that all that work is worth it! Like I said, I'll try to get some pictures up tomorrow.

Seattle!
Well, first of all, our destination, as it turns out, was not actually Seattle. The conference was in Seatac-- a city of mediocre hotels and fast food restaurants clustered around the airport that serves Seattle and Tacoma. We did get into the city a couple of times, but we mostly stayed in the hotel where the conference was being held. Jeff really enjoyed the conference, and Amelia and I had a nice time being someplace new. Events included:
-- Going up and down the outdoor glass elevators.
-- Me not cooking any meals for three days, but wishing I could at breakfast (but only breakfast,) since the hotel food was so bad, and ludicrously expensive!
-- Amelia taking naps while I towel-dried the bathtub, filled it with pillows and read fashion magazines.
-- Getting the goahead from J to buy some much-needed winter clothes, and a fruitful pilgrimage to Loehmann's in Bellevue.
-- Taking the bus into Seattle down to Pike Place Market for some great Ethiopian food and the best gelatto I've ever tasted.
-- Just driving around Seattle while Amelia napped, thinking how great it was that I was practically on the set to Grey's Anatomy. Also wondering if Seattle Grace Hospital really exists (it does not, as it turns out) and wondering if it would be worth finding it and going in. Then my pride got the better of me, I came to my senses, and I found an Anthroplogie.
-- Stopping in twice to see the Olympia Shacks.
-- Driving-- yes, I enjoyed it. I don't drive that much these days, and got to listen to a couple of great podcasts.

The most notable thing about the trip was that we were staying in a hotel with hoards of cyber athletes. Apparently, the World Cyber Games were being held there, and there were 15- 25 year old geeks from all over the world there (over 700 total.) I saw two girls, the rest were guys. I couldn't help but notice that Canadians were the only ones to have full red and white, maple leafed, track suits made for the occasion. I asked one of the Canucks (is that the right nickname?) if they were all really here from all over the world to play video games against each other. "Yes!" he said, beaming with pride. "That's hilarious!" I said (maybe it was unkind, but I was completely genuine in my amusement.) "It's not funny," he said, "it's AAAHHHsome!"
So, that was Seattle.

BRRR....

Temperatures have really dropped in the last two weeks, and our furnace and fireplace are not working. It's generally between 58 and 64 degrees in our house during the daytime! We finally got a space heater for litttle A's room two days ago, and someone from the gas company is coming over today to check things out. Not exactly a "warm welcome" to Northwestern weather!
We're going to Seattle this weekend for a conference that Jeff is attending related to autism. I've never been, so it should be fun to check out the city!

More Kitchen Views...

Last weekend, Jeff and his dad installed a new sink and countertops. I can't believe the difference it makes! We had really wanted to get an apron front sink, but they are SO expensive, and the one we found at IKEA was too big for our little kitchen. I found a sink I liked at Home Depot for $175, then found the same sink on craigslist for $25, and it included faucet fixtures we like!!! The sinks in the last two places we've lived have been pretty old and problematic, and never ever really looked clean, no matter how hard we tried. It has been amazing to see a nice, clean bright white sink every day!
Of course, I have to do before and after shots.


We also moved the fridge into the utility room off the kitchen (Joy's idea,) and put this bakers' rack in its place. I love having our casual dishes, glasses, etc. so accessible, all in one little "station," and it really opens the space up.

Getting to Know Portland, one Cafe at a Time.


I have to admit that it has been difficult getting to know this city with a little one in tow. Her nap schedule doesn't allow us to be out for more than about two hours or so at a time, and she is also pretty vocal about whether or not she approves of what we are doing! In the past, I always enjoyed going into the city (whichever city I was in) alone, walking around town, browsing in shops, getting tea, etc. I could spend all day out, and never got tired of exploring and walking around. I also LOVE to eat out, and like to go back to the same places and develop relationships with the people who work there. Having worked in restaurants for several years, I just love the bustling environment, the smells, etc. When I was single, in particular, I scrimped in other areas of my life so that I could eat out.
Now that we have a mortgage payment and a child, it is much harder to get around the city and become familiar with the neighborhood shops. But about once a week, I go out for breakfast with Amelia. I always order coffee, a side of bacon, and a side of sourdough toast, which costs from $5.50- $6.50. Maybe I don't get to really experience each restaurant's specialties, but I can afford to go out, and I think those three things do really give a you a good picture of the quality of their food. I sit and share with Amelia while she hams it up and charms anyone who will look at her. I love getting out of the house without having to go to Target! My goal is not so much to try every cafe in town, but to find a handful where I can keep going and look forward to seeing the people there.
A favorite so far is a place called Fat Albert's, who uses all "real" food- real butter, maple syrup, etc. They buy coffe from a roaster a block away, and are always very busy, even on weekdays. The staff there is like the stereo-typical diner-- older, gruff but efficient women who at first seem like they can't stand you. But after a couple of visits, they know Amelia's name and actually smile at me once in a while. I much prefer that to those younger, eager to please servers who are working so hard to charm me into leaving them an extra buck-- although I do feel for them! And Amelia and I have a nice time together, both thankful for an hour or so out in public.
Here is a very quick video I took. Just a view I have over and over again as I take Little A out.

How does a crying child make you feel?

I am not usually one to write about controversial topics, but this one is so close to my heart that I feel like I need to share my experience with not only anyone who will listen, but many people who may have faced some similar issues and could use the insight that I have found so valuable.
If you have read much of my blog, particularly posts from about a year ago, you will know that my introduction to parenthood has been pretty difficult. Amelia came into the world through a very stressful pregnancy, and very difficult delivery and then couldn't seem to sleep or stop crying (actually it was more like yelling, usually) for at least six months. Although her daytime temperament improved considerably with some helpful ideas from my acupuncturist, sleep has always been really difficult, and it had become much, much worse after our move up here a couple of months ago-- she was waking up every hour or two for at least a month!

Jeff and I both really appreciated the perspective of attachment parenting (AP) and wanted to respond to her every time she cried in her early months. Somehow, this resulted in her waking up every 45 minutes. I wore her in a sling all day, and bounced her on an exercise ball most of the times that she was awake, since this is the only thing that would help her stop crying. It was a really difficult process for us to realize that the way WE wanted to parent might not be what she needed. We realized that maybe she needed to cry.


A lot of our friends and family had done the babywise method that encourages parents to let their children "cry it out" (CIO.) While we both really hated the idea of CIO, we felt we didn't have any other options, since we were so exhausted and sleep deprived, and getting to the point where we were afraid we would hurt her if we had to keep bouncing and shushing all day and through the night. We tried various graduations of letting her cry, from sitting in her room and patting her back while she was in her crib, to checking in every five then twenty minutes. One night, we learned that she could yell for at least six hours without wearing out. We didn't need to know more than that, we had to try something else.

We worked really hard on her bedtime routine and consistent bed and naptimes, and things really improved. However, although she went out like a light, she usually woke up a few hours later, and was often either inconsolable or sociable as soon as we walked in her room and hysterical as soon as we tried to put her back down. There were many nights when we just gave up and pulled out the futon in the living room and tried to sleep through her yelling and screaming. I usually just laid there feeling really awful and wondering what on earth I could do differently. I tried every homeopathic, herbal and folk medicine remedy in the book. I took her to see all sorts of different health practicioners. Some improvements here and there, but her sleep (and ours) was still really poor.

I made an appointment here with a naturopathic doctor, hoping he would tell me that she had a wheat allergy or something that could be fixed and miraculously solve our problems. No luck. However, he sort of diagnosed her with birth trauma (I have not mentioned a whole other set of intriguing and bizarre behaviors), recommended someone who might be able to help with that, and also suggested that I may need a different perspective on what Amelia's needs are. He said that parents of colicky children often get stuck in a pattern of pacifying the child, and trying to keep them from being upset. The result is a very clingy, whiny child, among other things (Amelia was displaying those very behaviors-- way more than usual-- during our entire visit!) He gave me a reading assignment.

OK, this is where it gets exciting and controversial. The book is called Tears and Tantrums, written by Aletha Solter. Basically, the theory is that children (as well as adults) really do need to cry, as all the CIO people tell us; however, they need to experience full acceptance of their feelings. In other words, babies and children release tension and stress by crying and even raging, but need to be held and accepted during the process. Rather than trying to make a baby stop crying, which further contains their stress and overall tension, they need to be held as they cry, scream or yell (also called crying in arms, or CIA.)
The first night that I did this with Amelia, she cried, fussed screamed and wailed for about an hour, displaying quite an array of emotions. Then she slept for four hours. Then she woke up, cried a bit more-- but not long-- and slept for four more hours. Then she slept in. This has been a huge turning point for us. She has been crying as needed, but is sleeping MUCH better and is just so happy and pleasant all day. Very very content, not whiny or demanding. Today, she had a hard time with her naps and was slightly fussy at one point, so I expected her to wake up tonight and need to cry for a while-- which she did.

The really interesting thing about this is that my perspective on her crying has changed so much. The first night, I sat with her and thought about all the stress of moving, sleeping in different houses, not getting as much attention with all the stuff we've had to do. Plus all the inate, unknown difficulties of just being a baby. I felt so much compassion for her, and was glad that she could express all of that. I didn't feel in a hurry for her to finish up and go to sleep, and I appreciated that she could express those things in my presence. I read a list of all the things that cause stress or trauma in babies, and I realized that Amelia experienced many of those very things in utero and during her first couple days outside the womb. I felt sad that I had tried to get her to stop crying all year, when she really needed to heal from those experiences through expressing those negative feelings.

Not only have things with A. changed, but this book has really challenged my thinking about how we respond to emotional outbursts, particularly in children. I think that most people grew up being taught that it was "bad" to let out negative feelings, and "good" to be very in control of their emotions (supression!) However, what spouse would try to discourage the one they love from crying about something that was painful for them, or even expressing anger that was bottled up inside?
I don't know how many conversations I've overheard where someone is lambasting that "lousy" mother in the grocery store whose child is screaming or tantrumming. "She needs to nip that in the bud." "Why didn't she just spank that kid then and there?" Or worse! And I think many of us were actually punished for crying! Others were sent away from the family to express negative emotions, and couldn't be with them until they could stop crying and/or put a smile on their faces. There is this understanding in our culture that a pleasant child= good parents. I remember during Amelia's calmer phase, a couple of women came up to me and commented on how happy she was, and that I must be doing a great job! I was able to accept the encouragement, but had to wonder if I'd been a bad mom all of the other times, when she was so unhappy!
I think that particularly in religious communities, there is a lot of judgement of parents based on their ability to control their children. It seems to me that many of the discipline decisions that are made are based on fear of what other people will think of them as parents and good people. This is NOT to say that most parents are not doing their very best to raise their children! It is more a cultural issue of what a parents' role is in helping the child develop, and how we believe that should be done. And of course how WE as parents feel about crying ourselves or whether or not it is OK to express anger or frustration has a huge impact on how we handle these expression in our children.

Let's switch to a strictly physiological point of view. As a massage therapist, I am continuing to learn about the effects emotions have on the body. Emotions are chemicals, and when they are not expressed or worked out of the body, they remain in the tissues. These compounds end up causing all sorts of complaints and illnesses, from bowel problems to arthritis to rigid muscles and poor posture. Interestingly, the chemical makeup of tears actually contains forms of cortisol-- the stress compound-- and crying is a way of pumping it out so it doesn't stay in the body! Other releases include exercise, sweating and laughing, but very small children don't have a lot of options. After people cry or even rage, their blood pressure is lower, the presence of cortisol in their blood is much lower, and they generally sleep well and just feel better!

Then there is the relational aspect. Children learn to hold in their emotions if parents do not respond to or are uncomfortable with them expressing them. There is something special to me about having the sort of relationship with my child that accepts all of her feelings, whether positive or negative. I will feel honored when she shares with me into adulthood what is happening in her life and her heart, and not only do I want to set the stage for that, but I want to know those things about her now, as well. Being attentive to your child DOES NOT mean being permissive or "spoiling" them-- oftentimes, it's a limit that is being enforced that provokes the tears. Although I'm sure I'll feel mortified at times in public, I hope that I can respond to Amelia in ways that allow her to process the traumas of life-- big and small-- and allow her to grow into an emotionally healthy little person! I know my explanation of this philosophy has not done the book justice, but I'd like to encourage you to read it, even if you don't have small children of your own, but intend to, or if you work with them.

Best Room in the House!
I have really enjoyed making a fun space for Amelia. It is nice to have an excuse to do it all over again, and this time it is much less "baby" and I surprised my self with a kind of glamorous theme.



She loves her room, and is so busy exploring it all the time. She is obsessed with lights (ites!) right now, so I couldn't resist the chandelier. Even when the light is out, she still just stares and stares at it. My favorite feature in her room is the window, which comes down really low. She can stand up and look out the window-- we also have a couple of very cheeky squirrels that will come right up to the window and stand inches away from her as she yells and flails her arms at them (in the friendliest way, of course!)



These mini chandeliers (also "ites") have been a big hit and help keep her on her back for diaper changes. She also got these cute prints for her birthday.


The back part of her room (it kind of wraps around) is still unfinished, but I want to put in a little table and chair, and I am also working on a little reading corner for her with a rug and pillows and bookshelf.

OK, here are a couple pictures!

This is our guest room, packed almost to the ceiling with boxes we need to unpack and/ or get rid of!


This is the room that I am most happy to be in right now-- we have done a lot of work on the kitchen, and although we still need to replace the sink and counters, I am loving the difference from when we moved in!

Some Updates...

Once again, I have lost track of the camera-computer cable during the move, but it should surface soon, and then I will have pictures to share. We moved in a little over a week ago, but our belongings are still spread out all over the place. Our biggest challenge right now is figuring out how to make the most of our very limited space. The house is ~900 sq.ft., which isn't too bad, but that space has been divided into three bedrooms and a laundry room, in addition to the basic rooms in a house-- so each room in teeny tiny! One piece of furniture pretty much takes up any given room, AND we have no closets! No basement or attic or garage, so we really can't hide anything we own. The good thing is that we get to get rid of even more of our stuff, which always makes me happy for some reason. I don't do well at all with visual chaos, so I've been preoccupied with solving space and storage puzzles and trying to avoid going into my bedroom where most of our clothes are in a big pile, with nowhere to hang things. Although small, our house is pretty cute and funky and our stuff does look good in it. I am really looking forward to that point in time when I realize that my list of things that need to be done to it is only one page long, and not too expensive.

For the last four days, I have been attending a bodywork course on Cranio-sacral Therapy. This is something I had been looking forward to for years, and it was so exciting to actually make it happen! The work itself is really powerful and exciting, and I am looking forward to taking more advanced classes in the future.

Actually, I have taken Amelia in for a couple of treatments (performed by a midwife) in the last month, and it has really had a positive effect on her. Right after the treatment, her disposition really changed for the better. She is so much happier, sillier, more animated, and has much more ability to recover from frustrations or physcial limitations. It has been so wonderful to see her enjoying life more! I would need to take a few more classes before I could do the same work on her that the midwife did, but now I do have some tools that can be used on children, too. This picture is one that Amy (Jeff's mom) took while they had her for three nights so that I could go to this class. I also got some of the best sleep I've had in almost two years!



Jeff's job is going well and he has some really great colleagues that he actually looks forward to seeing when he goes to work (this has not been his experience in the past.) He has to do more work than was previously required of him, but it is also very satisfying and challenging in a positive way. We are hoping to have some of his co-workers over for dinner sometime soon-- we need to make some friends!

There is more to say, but I think I'll leave it at that. I will post some more as soon as I can get the pictures downloaded, and I'll be updating my other blog, as well.

"Good things come to those who wait..." ...and wait... and wait...

The escrow on our house was supposed to close on Monday. Then Tuesday. Today.... Now tomorrow around noon. The crazy-making thing is that this is Jeff's last week of break before he goes back to work, and the timing WAS perfect, since we were planning on spending the week working on it and moving in while he was free. Oh, well. I really do believe it will happen tomorrow, and I guess that, in the end, I don't have much too complain about-- we can't wait to move in!!!

More points for Portland!

Last night, our new hometown scored some big points, by way of The Academy Theatre. OK, not only are the tickets three bucks apiece, not only can you buy pizza and beer to eat as you watch, but they BABYSIT your kids while you see a movie! I think I'm in love. Jeff and I went to the movies about twice a year BEFORE Amelia was born, because we just couldn't justify spending $9 each-- actually $9.75 now at AMC! Then after A was born, we couldn't fathom getting a babysitter so we could go to the movies when we could just watch one at home after she was in bed. But last night, for the price of two AMC tickets, we got to see a movie, get Amelia babysat for two hours AND enjoy a couple of local microbrews. Ingenious. Amazing. Wonderful.

Cashing in....
We took advantage of being just two hours away from D & H, and drove up to spend the night on Thursday. Amelia is now at an age where she can really be entertained by her adoring cousins, and had a great time. It was really fun to see them together. It's so nice to be close to siblings here! The drive was so beautiful, too.







In other news, our closing date has been moved up to the 27th! That means we can move in a week and a half-- especially good, since Jeff is off of work that week until the end of the month.

Tomorrow is J's birthday, so we are dropping Amelia off with his parents and heading to the mountains to stay in a cabin for two nights-- can't wait! We'll take some pictures.

Launch!

Ok, so I've been working on a new blog project. I'm taking on the challenge of trying to buy/ eat mostly locally grown food, and still stay in my food budget. It can actually be very expensive to buy food (especially dairy, eggs and meat) from nearby farms, so I need the extra motivation to try to make it happen. I am hoping that by blogging about these efforts, I will be extra inspired and disciplined to make what seems almost impossible actually happen! Plus, I am kind of bored with blogging about just the latest family news, and am excited to share what I am learning (and to hear from others) on this topic. I really should've figure out how to insert a link by now, but I haven't (should I be embarassed? Nah.) The site is: www.belocal.blogspot.com

Here are some pictures of the yard.

Front door.

Front yard.


Side yard and side door/porch off of the kitchen.



Backyard, future garden!

We went over to the house for the big inspection today, and I was able to take some photos while we were there. The inspection went very well-- the old house is quite sound, and all of the major upgrades that it needed have already been taken care of. I'll give you a little walk through!


The fireplace is the first thing you see when you walk in. We are looking forward to some cozy weather!

A view of the front door from upstairs.


The master bedroom is upstairs in the attic space. Across the stairway is a smaller version of the room, which will be Amelia's.

Living room-- note the nice high ceilings!
More living room...

Dining room-- we are dying to have guests over for dinner!

Kitchen views-- this is the room that will require the most work!

Farm Fresh!
Amelia and I had a really nice adventure yesterday. We went to visit the farm we have been buying her fresh goats milk from, and to talk to the owner of the farm about joining their stewardship program. The farm is on three acres about an hour's drive from here, and it is beautiful! Amelia is really noticing and enjoying animals right now, and so I am always on the lookout for friendly- looking dogs that we might say hello to when we're out-- Portland is the perfect city for that, by the way! We have a lot of books about animals and go over their names and sounds daily, so it was really great to be able to introduce her to real, live goats, horses, ducks and chickens! She especially hit it off with the goats, who all seem very friendly and docile. It also felt so good to me to be out in the country with all of those wonderful smells (I particularly love the smell of horses!) and to spend some time with some kind, happy and energetic farmers.
We were there for a couple of hours and were able to tour the property, see where the goats get milked and where the chickens lay their eggs, eat some cheese and blueberries from the farm and talk about how we might be able to get involved. Something I really appreciate is how much they value children and want to have kids involved with them. We will be supporting the farm and getting some of our food from them, and in return they welcome us there as extended family-- we can go there whenever we want to, they have some rustic guest quarters where we are encouraged to spend the night, and eat meals with the farming family and get some hands-on experience of farm life. Erika, the owner (whose credentials include being a traditional Swiss homemaker,) said that she hoped Amelia could come every week or two and really feel like this was her backyard-- running around to see what's new and developing relationships with the animals there. Being in that setting was very therapeutic for me-- I didn't realize I'd had a raincloud over my head until it lifted while we were there! I am so thankful to be living in a place where we can do these kinds of things, and I hope to find more opportunities like this.
By the way, I am working on a new blog along this theme, and I'll let you know when I'm ready to have readers...

YAHOOO! Or, for all you Texans, YEEHAW!
Our offer was accepted, and we are soon to be homeowners. We are obviously thrilled, and I probably won't be able to sleep tonight, I'm so excited. These next three weeks will be very busy, but we are glad for the short escrow period, since we are dying to REALLY settle in and unpack most of our boxes, finally. It's funny, I am really relieved to be done looking at homes-- I know a lot of people love that part and keep doing it after they've bought a home, but I'm not much of a dreamer and would rather make concrete plans. So now it's time to take a serious look at all those home magazines and start some serious planning. Hurray!