It's really happening.
We are moving. Soon. Most of the home has been packed up, and we are pretty much on target for being able to get out of here. Amelia and I fly to Portland on Sunday, Jeff packs the U-Pak on Tuesday night and leaves on Wed. We were thankful and relieved to find out that he doesn't have to start until the 13th (previous start date was the 9th.) We're taking the day off tomorrow to have a good time as a family and see some friends in the evening (in honor of me not being 30 yet.) Then on Saturday we are having a yard sale-- one last attempt at getting people to actually pay us to get rid of the stuff we shouldn't take anyway. This week has been quite a whirlwind, and we are amost through the worst! Whew!

ONE!
Happy Birthday Amelia! What a sweet little girl. It has been amazing to watch her go from newborn to one year old. We are so thankful for this dynamic little life we get to share.



So far, she seems to be having a great day, and likes being sung "Happy Birthday" to, even more each time (I think it's been about 15 times at this point.)

Time to Celebrate!
Jeff had his last day of work yesterday (he checks out today,) and also his last day as a teacher. He is so excited to move on from classroom management to working individually with children and teachers. Hurray! He said he tried to be sentimental, since he's had this job for four years, and it was his first big long-term job-- but he just didn't feel anything but relief and excitement to be moving on!

We had a mini party outside in his honor: grilled chicken, chocolate cinnamon black beans, grilled veggies and sangria. Amelia joined us as diner and entertainer.

So what do YOU do under pressure?
I'm not sure how I would have answered the above question before now, but I have had a funny revelation about myself this week. Tensions are very high. I wish I could push the fast forward button on the next few weeks (or maybe months, while I'm dreaming about it...) I'm not allowed to cope by staying in bed and refusing to participate in the whirlwind of my present life, so I am acting out in other ways. I can't think of a better way to describe it than to say that I am rebelling against my own personal principles. Keep in mind, these are my own personal quirky convictions, nothing serious. Since Sunday, here is a list of totally out of character behavior:
1. I went and bought Amelia a new carseat, FULL PRICE, without even really trying to find it cheaper or used. This is definitely the largest sum of money we have spent on her behalf so far.
2. I put bleach in my load of white laundry. I have never used bleach in my laundry before. I don't even know who this bottle belonged to-- I just had the compulsion to dump it in there, and the really annoying thing is that all of Amelia's stained clothes DIDN'T come out looking any better!
3. I baked a pan of brownies. I don't even like brownies.
4. This is the most embarassing one. I went to the drugstore and bought a lotion that "builds a healthy glow within 5 days and improves skin firmness." I don't use drugstore lotion! I don't put chemicals on my skin! I don't really believe in skin firming lotions! Also, I believe in REAL tans. And I bought some nail polish for the first time in five years, while I was at it.
Jeff is completely bewildered, and I am definitely feeling reckless. He is trying to think of some way to take advantage. Maybe we'll go to McDonalds, grab some donuts for dessert, buy a television, and dump our recycling into the regular trash bins... Yahoooo!

If this doesn't make you smile, then we have a big problem.

Starting a Tradition...

I've been thinking hard about Amelia's first birthday. It's such a big event, celebrating the year she's been with us, but it seems kind of sad to me that she won't remember it at all. Gifts are one of my biggest "love languages" so I've been trying to decide what to give her, wanting it to be special and something she will be able to remember. I finally came up with the idea of getting her something valuable (but not necessarily too expensive) that she can keep and have for years and years-- some original artwork! It was actually pretty hard to choose one, since there are so many great, affordable prints out there. This year, Jeff and I ordered a print of the above painting by Cathy Nichols, printed on wood with some hand embellishment and signed on the back. It arrived today, and I am so excited! We can't wait to give it to her and hang it up in her future bedroom.

It's been a while since I've given Amelia the spotlight, so I will give you a picture and some stats.
We are planning her first birthday party, and although it's been a long year, I still can't believe we're there already! She seems a lot smaller and more "babyish" than most one year olds I've known, but this is a really nice stage we don't mind enjoying a little longer.
She still isn't crawling, although she's looked like she was about to for a couple of months now. I hope she can just hold off until we've moved-- our home is not too baby- friendly right now.
She talks a lot, but it's still all in Vietnamese. I think she might have "all done" down, though I'm waiting for more confirmation.
She had a beef tamale for dinner tonight. I continue to be delighted by all of the things she'll try, only now she wants to fully experience her food: chew, then take some out, see what it looks like, feel it in her hair, watch how it coats nearby surfaces, put some more in her mouth, then atomize onto the person feeding her. So mealtimes take quite a while, and our carpet and floors are hard to keep clean, but it's a lot of fun to watch her discover different tastes and textures, plus she has a blast the whole time!
Amelia is generally very happy, and has such a charismatic personality. She likes to show us a good time and keep us entertained and engaged. She recently mastered a fake laugh that is really really funny. Sometimes it's the first noise I hear from her from her bed in the morning!
Sleep (or lack of it) is still a big thorn in my side, though we are partly to blame for putting her through three different trips last month. Plus, I think she is starting to get her molars and is really feeling it.
On a side note, we had been planning to start trying for a sibling for her when she turned one, but the last couple of years have held so much change and stress for us that we have decided to wait on that for at least another six months. I'm pretty relieved to be let off the hook-- even if I was the one making the timeline to begin with!

No, thanks!
We are not pursuing that house anymore. We found out that there are lots RIGHT in front and back that will be developed into 2-story rental properties this summer. That house is so adorable and has so many great features and I think it's a cryin' shame that it is being boxed in and basically ruined that way. Oh, well. Things got a little hysterical around here trying to figure all of that out and deciding whether or not to try to buy it before someone else. Now that we know its future, I don't think there's going to be anyone rushing in. So we will keep looking. The good news is that we took care of all the financial stuff and are prequalified and ready to go, once we find the right one. There are a lot of cute little places out there!

Portland, Ho!
So Jeff was offered the Clackamas position, and we will be moving in one month so he can begin work July 9th. Now all the wheels are turning and we begin the mental and physical move into the next chapter. We are so thankful for some friends who have offered half of their duplex for us to live in until we are able to buy a house. This makes everything so much easier and less stressful! Speaking of houses, there is one I have had my eye on for the past month, if you want to check it out, go to RMLS.com, then select the number search, then enter 7032867 to have a look. Pretty fun to start dreaming a little. Anyway, our internet has been down at home for the past couple of days, but I am at the library today to give the update. Thank you for your prayers for these decisions. The whole job search process has been an extremely positive experience for Jeff. He was actually offered three of the four positions he interviewed for, and even the one that turned him down really wants to keep contact with him as a networking resource-- what a confidence booster! We could definitely use your continued prayers as we pack up, bid our goodbyes and try to resettle, all in such a short amount of time!

Some News....
So Jeff was finally able to talk to the Lacey people (Olympia area) about that secret position today. And they offered him the job. Today. That was a pleasant shocker, and it's great to know that there is a job secured, no matter what happens with the other three he is waiting on. I'll keep you posted-- we should hear from the others within the next week and a half.

OK, I know I am SO overdue for an update. If there wasn't much to say, I would have done so much sooner!
Last weekend, Jeff (and Amelia!!!!!) went up to OR and WA for two interviews. Both went very well, and at this point, there are four potential job offers in the works.
1. Autism Specialist for Clackamas County (near Portland.) This is the most desireable job so far. Jeff would be working with children ages birth to kindergarten, teaching twice a week, doing home visits twice a week, and staff collaboration meetings one day of the week. He loves the idea of doing something different every day. This is the district he worked for while completing his M.A., so he has some great connections there, and really likes the staff/ team dynamics.
2. Preschool Special Ed. Teacher in Longview, WA. Also a very teamwork- oriented program. The school is extremely well equipped to work with kids with disabilites, with a complete team of OTs, PTs, STs (speech), etc. The school is in a gorgeous old wood building. Jeff would teach some, but also be a primary resource for other teachers working with kids with autism. We wouldn't want to live in Longview, however, and if he took this position we would most likely live in Vancouver, WA.
3. Today Jeff had a phone interview with Multnomah (Portland) District. The position is for a Special Ed. Preschool teacher as well, although the classroom would be mixed-- so he would have "unchallenged" kids as well as children with autism and other disabilities. Today's interview was the final one, so we won't have to go up there for another one.
4. Someone from the Lacey District (next to Olympia) has been very secretively and enthusiastically calling Jeff, telling him that they have a position they're sure he'll be VERY interested in, but that they're not allowed to tell him what it is until they get an application. So he filled it out last night, and she'll be calling him to disclose the details tomorrow.

The interesting thing is that both of the OR positions begin July 9th. Orignally, we were planning on moving about July 15th, since J's school year ends after June 20th. We should find out about whether or not he will be offered jobs 1-3 in two weeks. I just got a mild adrenaline rush thinking about all that will happen in such a short amount of time. To make things even more complicated and exciting, we would like to buy a house and move into it, rather than taking on a rental and moving again. I have NO IDEA how things are going to work themselves out, but anything is possible at this point.

On a side note, Jeff was quite valiant for taking A with him, and certainly scored some brownie points with his interviewers for having his 10 month old daughter with him (not at the interviews, though) to give his wife a break. Jeff's sister watched her on Friday (bless you Eden!) and I had two nights and 1 1/2 days to myself! I got exfoliated and massaged and went to the beach. It was wonderful.

We are gearing up for a wild ride in the upcoming weeks, and will try to keep you up to date with everything. We could use some prayers for peace and productivity in the meantime!

Yoga Baby

Many of the women in my yoga class have kids in child care along with Amelia, and after seeing her in all sorts of contortionist poses, any work I have done to become more flexible myself has been completely discredited as a genetic advantage! Well, maybe it's true-- some of those gymnastic genes I am happy to have inherited from Dad! Maybe we'll get Amelia into some ballet classes as soon as she's old enough.

For those of you who haven't seen A in action for a while, I caught some personality on video. I'd say her best talent right now is biting things... You also get a brief "fake" smile here. Sorry it's sideways.

We had a great trip. Amelia was the perfect little travel buddy, and did very, very well on our adventure. On all of the flights, we had an extra seat available for her, and that made all the difference. She sat and played, charmed everyone she could see around us, and even took naps on the plane both ways!


My time with Amanda, Andrew and Esly was also wonderful. Nothing too complicated or exciting-- we just spent time together, ate some nice meals and checked out Boise. Their little babe is so sweet, and it is beautiful to see two friends become a family. I'll share the rest with pictures.











It has been so neat to watch Amelia develop into a secure, warm and trusting child. She will go to anyone, and readily accepts attention and love from new people. It is also really wonderful to see other people showing her love and enjoying her charismatic personality.













Although I was initially pretty nervous about travelling and parenting alone for four days, it was better than I expected. And I was pleasantly surprised by the new closeness I feel like I share with Amelia. I think that on a daily basis, I am looking forward to Jeff coming home and taking over parenting. Sometimes I am more in a damage control mode than really trying hard to relate with Amelia and work together with her. On this trip, there was no "off" time in sight, and so I think that the way I approached her was more long-sighted, really trying to ease any frustration she was experiencing, doing everything I could to help her feel her best for as long as possible! This was a great experience.

We're going to Idaho!

Amelia and I are taking a trip tomorrow to visit and encourage a dear friend and new mama in Boise. This will be Little A's fourth round trip flight already! I'm a little anxious about travelling alone this time, but there will be help on both ends and our flight times are in the middle of the day-- perfect! My main concern is that Amelia will have a rough transition, especially in the sleep department, and will keep the exhausted new parents awake even more than their own little babe. If you think of it, please pray that Amelia will adjust well to the new surroundings and have mercy on us all! I am so excited to spend time with a friend and to meet this sweet little one. We'll be back on Saturday.

Some Garden Pictures...
The weather is pleasantly dreary today, but it puts me in the mood to look at something bright and cheerful-- maybe you want to, too!

Ranunculus
Beets
Sweet Pea
Hmm... Squash?

By the way, Amelia is ten months old today! I can't believe it's time to start thinking about a birthday party...
She happily sits and watches while I work in the garden.

OK, I just can't help myself!
I have been so repressed, now I have to just share all kinds of pictures, especially of Amelia.

Amelia now has seven (almost eight) teeth, and clamps down on everything and everyone she can. Definintely some consolation points here for no longer breastfeeding!


She has learned to "make" a smile-- rather than just letting her face take over, she squints her eyes, wrinkles her nose and shows us her teeth. Her forced "cry" also looks a lot like this, accompanied by some funny, fakey sad noises.

Hah! Guess what?

I found our camera. I had looked under the bed about ten times, but I guess I didn't realize that I couldn't see all the way over to Jeff's side under there. I am so elated to finally have a camera again-- we lost it after Thanksgiving. I swore that it was somewhere in the house, but I was beginning to lose hope. I'll put up a silly picture of Amelia that was on it still.


I think I'll also show you my latest project. H. Shack should be particularly interested in this one, since she encouraged me to do it about three years ago! I have an old Danish modern style chair from Uncle Elmer's. I had actually covered the gross plastic cushions with material and scotch tape and a couple of thumb tacks (!) for the past few years. It's kind of embarassing. Anyway, I FINALLY bought new foam and some materials to upholster them with, and it is amazing how much better that chair looks. I was walking past it just now to find some place to sit, and I stopped and went back to it-- I hadn't really thought of it as an actual functional chair! I snapped a smug picture of myself enjoying my handiwork (with hot chocolate from Filipino pure cacao!)



More pictures DEFINITELY to come!!!

So do we look like a Northwestern family? Can we pull it off?


I'm sure you've all been waiting for the report about our trip up North. I've been putting it off because it seems like it would take too long to write it all down, but I need to just get it done! I think I will interview myself for you.

Q: How were Jeff's job fairs?
A: Well, he almost missed the first one, since getting a flight there was quite a fiasco. In the end, we were scheduled on three different flights, had to go to three different airport terminals, and ended up with a layover on the way to PDX. The fair ened at four, and Jeff got there (straight from the airport) after 2:00. But all's well that ends well, and he was able to visit the districts he wanted, and even got a couple of on-the-spot interviews. Most importantly, he went back the next day to interview for a really great position he had been interested in, and he feels like he aced that one! This position is exciting because it is not a classroom teacher job, but he would be working as an autism specialist. He would visit schools and help teachers work with their students with autism, teach inservices, work with students one-on-one, and in the end, train other autism specialists. I think it would be very challenging, but I also think Jeff would excell at these tasks and be very fulfilled in his work.
Q: Any downsides to the job?
A: For starters, I have a crazy fact to share: Almost any job in OR or WA, even if it is a step up careerwise, would entail about a 15K pay CUT. YIKES!! I'm not sure how that will play out, but we are still planning on moving and making it work. The other thing is that this particular job is based in Salem, not a city we had ever considered living in. On the other hand, given the pay situation, Salem may be one of the only cities we could afford to buy a house in!
But that is not the only position we're thinking about. It was such a boost for Jeff to get phone calls from a lot of different districts in both states, telling him how great his resume looked and how much they'd like to have him in their district. Jeff is applying for a teaching position in Longview, WA, with the plan that we would live in Vancouver-- in between Portland and Olympia. Housing also looks affordable there, plus no state income tax is always nice. There were some other interviews and more possibilities continue to open up, but I won't mention them until they become more significant. In a month, there will be a lot more clarity, and I will let you know where we're at in the game.

Q: How do you feel about the move?
A: Well, I am so ready to start setting up shop in a new home. I love our apartment, but I have made the mental break away from it, and am itching for some permanence, not to mention new paint, hanging things up, starting a long term garden, etc. etc. When I think of moving, this is what I think of the most, and I am excited to turn a new space into home, and the idea of actually owning something seems too nice to even think about. I have about three more months here, and although I am a "live in the moment" person who rarely daydreams about the future, I am beginning to make a peaceful separation with my life as I know it now, and have put the brakes on investing and putting roots down for the moment. So as far as I'm concerned, I might as well make the move tomorrow so I can get on with it!

Q: How was Amelia on the trip? Did you get to take some naps?
A: This was not Amelia's best week and a half. She's never really been sick (she's had some vomitting episodes as an allergic reaction, but never even a cold,) and she was SICK for about a week at the start of the trip. She had a fever for three days, a body rash, diarrhea, etc. It could all be traced to teething, but she has never teethed like that before! She was completely out of sorts, and cried a lot at night. One night, she didn't sleep more than a couple 45 minute naps, and other nights she couldn't settle till after midnight, and woke up about every two hours. Poor baby. I was so disappointed because I didn't feel like our family we visited got to see her shiny little personality that we love. Plus, I think ten days is too long for a little one to be in a new environment, although she did love having so many new people around all of the time. She was back to her old self as soon as we got home-- maybe even happier than her old self! All in all, she was a real trooper, and I think she has a newfound contentment with being at home! Oh, and yes, I did take some naps-- but I have to admit that I needed them a lot more than usual. Oh, well.

Q: When is your next trip?
A: I don't want to talk about it. No, just kidding. I think in the next month or so, we will go up again for final interviews and city scouting. Then hopefully we won't need to go up until we move, but you never know.

Q: So when is it that you are actually moving?
A: Mid- July. The plan is that Jeff's dad (Phil) will come down here, and Amelia and I will fly up and stay with Jeff's mom (Amy) while the boys get us moved. I think this is a great arrangement! Jeff's school year ends in late June, and we will be focused on packing up in the following weeks.
By the way, if you live here and are feeling sad about us moving, why don't you call and make plans to spend time with us? Or just Amelia, if you insist! We may be "checking out" in certain ways, but we would love to spend as much time with people in the next few months as possible. Don't wait until our last week!

Any questions I didn't ask or answer?

You've Got Photos!

Bathtime at Grandma's House.

This next week should prove significant for our family's future. We are going up to OR and WA tomorrow for ten days so that Jeff can attend a couple of education job fairs. We have definite plans to move North mid- July, but we have no idea where to! We are hoping that this will give us some good leads, and, eventually, a destination. If you think of it, please ask for key connections and clear direction on our behalf this week.

I'm really looking forward to time with several different family members, and a change of scenery. I can also hardly wait to let some other people fill Amelia's social needs. She has an amazing capacity for social activity, and loves everyone and every moment of interaction (except when it's just boring ol' Mama in our boring ol' home.) Apart from the new sleeping situation, I really expect her to enjoy the whole experience. And I am looking forward to taking some naps!

In other news, the garden is doing really well. Right now, there are a lot of sweet peas and ranunculus blooming, and I can't get enough of those colors. Also coming along quite nicely: asparagus, rhubarb, broccoli raab, strawberries, sugar snap peas, beets, carrots, and onions. I am doing a "voluteer" garden plot again this year as well, and so far I have identified cilantro, spinach, black bean and pumpkin seedlings. Can't wait to see what else shows up. The tomato plants that completely took over the whole area last year are starting to pop up, and I have been pulling most of them up. By the way, if you know someone who wants to plant an avocado tree, I have a couple of seedlings that have been growing for almost a year that are hoping to be adopted by a nice big yard.

Still no camera, but I sent an older one in for repairs... I am hoping to get some pics of Little A while we are with family and post them for you.

It's funny, all week I think about things I should post about on Sunday. Then Sunday comes around, I get busy, and at the end of the day I am put on the spot to come up with something to post-- or else I have to wait another week. This week there were no physical traumas, first steps or job offers. It was pretty busy all the same, we ended up having guests over for dinner twice, plus I made dinner for a family in our church. A couple of massage clients here at home, one night at work in Alhambra and then I spent the afternoon today with a family in Lakewood doing cooking classes. Tomorrow our small group comes over here. And the week continues at this pace. It is all the good kind of busy, and it is nice to feel like we are involved with and connected to the people around us.

This week's report--
It has been a great week, they don't get much better than this.

Highlights:
Five workouts (two yoga sessions, in both of which the class clapped for me!)
A massage-- the first in well over a year. Why so long? I have no idea, and I hope to make it a regular event.
A haircut and a whole new hairstyle. I now have bangs, and boy, do I wish I could show you a picture.
I found a flattering pair of jeans, and bought them!
Our first official "family meal" at the table. Amelia sat in a chair in the bumbo next to me and ate an unbelievable amount of brown rice, grilled salmon, green beans and carrots. She hammed it up the whole time and was an absolute delight.

Lowlights:
Getting a deep scratch from Amelia next to my eye (same one as last time.) There is still a little scab there.
Getting kicked in the eye by Amelia (yes, same one as last time.) It's taken a few hours, but it feels fine now. Yikes!

Actually, I just got a photo, thanks to Chris and Gretchen. We had a fun pool party for the babes this afternoon. Enjoy!

Laundry Day.



I don't have too much to report, so I thought I'd just submit this photo. It makes me feel happy.

Warning: Protective Eyewear Required!!!

On Thursday morning, I was playing with Amelia in bed and she grabbed my eye while I was looking away for a moment. I had often thought about how a little baby could really do some damage, and wondered that I hadn't heard of many cases of earrings being ripped out or eyes getting scratched. Maybe most moms' reflexes are just quicker than baby. Maybe not. I couldn't believe how badly it hurt, but couldn't see anything obviously damaged when I looked in the mirror. I was also coming down with a cold, and some of the symptoms overlapped as well. I ended up pulling it together and took A. with me to MOCA with Heather Shack, who was in town. I began realizing while we were out, though, that my eye was pretty bad and just getting worse. It hurt to have it open, it really hurt to close it, and light was awful.

Jeff stayed homefrom work on Friday, and we were fortunate to get a Doctor's appt. at ten in the morning. The doctor numbed my eye (ah, relief!) and then put what looked like a strip of litmus paper in my eye to dye my cornea. She confirmed that I have a "rather large" corneal abrasion, and called and made an appoinment at an optometrist for me that afternoon. She also prescribed a "mild sedative" which I seriously considered but didn't take.

At the optometrist's office, three different people saw me, each with their own set of drops and bright lights to shine into my very sad and sensitive eye. I reconsidered my decision about the sedative, but it was too late. I have to admit that it was pretty gratifying that both of the optometrists thought it was really bad. One assured me that I wasn't the first to have a baby scratch them, but wondered when I'd last trimmed her nails. Apparently, she had scratched all the way through the first layer of the cornea, but the cut was also really rough. My favorite moment was a conversation between the two optometrists that went like this,
"So, do you think you'll put a contact lense over the eye to smooth it out?"
"Well, I thought about it, but there is already so much inflammation, it might make it worse. Actually, I was thinking about getting in there and scraping to even it out.... (Both get a little excited at the idea) But I don't think I will."
Is that what the "mild sedative" was for? Yikes! Anyway, I was happy that the treatment only involves three different drops every four hours. I thought it was interesting that they want to keep the pupil dilated all the time. This is because the dilation and constriction with light changes is what really hurts the most, since the whole eye moves when that happens. Educational experience.

Anyway, I am happy to report that my eye is feeling MUCH, MUCH better today. My vision on that side is still a bit blurry, but it looks almost normal. Now if I can just get over my cold, I will be in great shape. But I don't think I'll be wearing earrings any time soon!

FYI
The Lenten season is upon us, and I thought you should know that, starting tomorrow, our observation of Lent will keep us from the internet. So posting and blog- checking will happen on Sundays. It will be quite a change, but I am looking forward to more time to do other, more intentional activities. On the other hand, I might actually post weekly!

What is childhood without a set of these pictures?

After she spreads all of the food onto every inch of the tray, I take a spatula and round it all up. She also likes to eat off the end of the spatula.

Amelia is 8 months old!
I put pictures with stuff on her face because this is how she usually looks! She is an adventurous eater, and we recently found out that she LOVES salmon. It was so weird to see a baby eating chunks of fish. In this picture she has avocado on her face, and she spent the whole afternoon with a sprig of dill in her hand (and mouth.) What a funny girl...

Amelia's Menu

Starters
Chicken Broth with Shiitake Mushroom
Gingered Chicken Broth with Lemonbasil
Mashed Avocado with Lemon

Main Courses
Irish Oats with Chicken and Dill
Coconut Mashed Yams
Pureed Chicken with Brown Rice and Butter
Whole Baby Carrots Braised in Broth

Desserts
Mango with Cultured Cream
Banana with Yogurt Cheese
Ginger Coconut Milk Stewed Prunes
Lemon Ginger Gelatin

Beverages
Carrot Juice with Parsley and Ginger
Chamomile Tea


YIKES!! It seems so silly, now that I write it all out like that. Sometimes when A isn't interested in what we're trying to feed her, Jeff and I just dig in and enjoy. The main goal is vibrant health, but it sure would be fun to have a little foodie to enjoy meals with us as well!

Well, our camera is still MIA. I am just not that motivated to post when there are no pictures. But you keep checking to see if I have, so I will give some updates, boring as it may be with just words.

Amelia
We went to the holistic pediatrician in Newport last week, and she confirmed that we do indeed have a very healthy, developmentally on-target baby. She said she is concerned about all of the yelling (A cooperated quite nicely as we tried to give the doc an accurate snapshot of her temperament,) but didn't really offer any solutions we hadn't already employed. She agrees that there is something different about A's awareness of the world, like she notices more than she should. I think she may have some sensory integration issues.

I also took her to see Michelle, the acupuncturist I work with. NO, not to get needled. That visit was actually very very helpful, and Michelle showed me some massage techniques to use with her and a LOT of diet suggestions. So I have been cooking and juicing up a storm. It's hard to explain Traditional Chinese Medicine, but I will just say that A is very tense, and a lot of her issues stem from overall tension that I need to help her with. So far, she does seem to be loosening up, but it will take time. And Michelle confirmed that possibility of some sensory integration problems, but assured me that they will probably resolve in a couple of years.

Amelia is changing so much right now. She is so much FUN! She has found a new, high, squeaky voice and uses it all the time. She inherited a jumper from her cousin and loves it. She will bounce for over an hour and I usually take her out before she gets tired of it. She has a great sense of humor, and it is getting a little easier to get a laugh. Tonight she couldn't get enough of Jeff's gorilla routine, but the trick was that he had to change what he was doing constantly-- once she laughs at one thing a couple of times, it's gotten old. She throws her arms out and shrieks when something is funny, and if we keep it up, she might start choking from laughing too hard. A loves music and being sung to, and today in church during worship she was yelling and squeaking like crazy, it was so exciting to her. She has four teeth now, and is eating all kinds of things. She likes feeding herself the most, and I am still looking for a highchair. I cannot believe the mess a baby can make, and it is a good exercise for me to let her do her worst a couple times a day.

Jeff
Jeff has been working really hard on getting licensed to teach in Washington and searching for jobs. He is already licensed in Oregon, and we will be going to both states this spring for job fairs. He has gotten some good leads so far, and I am so glad that he is ahead of the game in terms of getting this paperwork done. He has had a very successful year at his school, and should be a very strong candidate for the type of work he is looking for.

He has been enjoying learning some new hobbies, namely coffee roasting and sourdough bread baking-- inspired and mentored by the Shack brothers. I have also been enjoying the fruits of his labor!

Me
I am really enjoying work at the acupuncture clinic. I go twice a week four a few hours, and enjoy the commute both ways. I have found that I hardly even listen to music anymore, silence sounds so beautiful to me. Michelle has offered me a lot of different types of opportunities, and although I have had to turn down a few, it feels so great to have someone that is confident in my abilities and provides the opportunities for me to be challenged and broaden my repertoire. This week, I am going to meet with a family a couple of nights to help coach them through starting to buy, cook and eat whole foods. What could be more fun?

It is really hard for me to think about moving this summer, so I don't do it much. But I am beginning to pack a few things up here and there, and am looking forward to getting rid of as much stuff as possible between now and then. I have stopped trying to improve our apartment since we will be undoing it all so soon, and that feels strange. On the other hand, it will be fun to start afresh with a new home and new ideas, and hopefully it will be somewhat permanent.

I am really tired, but I have discovered that I can actually be completely exhausted AND completely happy at the same time. I didn't know that before, and it is a relief to realize it. There are so many sweet moments in my days, and I am striving to be real about the challenges and the joys that I am experiencing all at once.

Maybe I'll look for an older picture to throw in here...

This was taken in December. Enjoy!

Thanks, everyone, for all of your kind words, whether via comment, phonecall or e-mail. I feel mildly embarassed, but definitely encouraged by the outpouring of care and attention. Thank you.

It has been a discipline to wait to post what I am DOING ABOUT my current situation, to look a little helpless for a couple of days before I tell you why you shouldn't worry quite so much because I am doing my best to take care of things. (If you know me well, this should sound completely tongue-in-cheek.)

The night before last, I went to the Cox home to have a night "off" in the guest room. I still woke up every couple of hours, but the nice part was that I could just look at the clock and roll over, never actually having to get up. A big psychological break.

I have started gardening again, and yesterday had fun sifting through the freshly digested compost to pull out the grubs as I put it in the garden. So far we are growing sweet peas, ranunculus, asparagus, purple kale, strawberies, onions a salad greens garden and a variety of herbs. Plus, we are working hard at getting the backyard as pleasant as possible for upcoming spring and summer dinners outside. Did I tell you we (our complex) got a fire pit for Christmas from our land lord? Sure, I had to ask for it, but still-- what a nice gift!

I am going to get a YMCA membersip. I just found out that they will watch A. for free while I work out! I'm sure she will love the change of scenery as much as I will. I keep joking about packing a lunch and camping out there all day...

Also I usually make "fancy" dinners for Jeff and I during the week that we enjoy together with wine (sometimes) and candlelight (always) after A is in bed. We always look forward to a couple hours alone together in the evenings to talk, watch a movie or play a board game. Odd as it may sound, I think we actually get along better now that A is here. A nice surprise.

Any other ideas that have carried you through the rough patches you've experienced?

I have a confession to make.

Well, two. The first is that I have a really hard time with anything that smacks of a pity party. I just don't believe in pity parties, and have to check myself, as I often find myself judging people for complaining. It's embarassing to me to imply that my life is anything but priviledged and full of blessings. I mean, I didn't even blog about my sixth month of pregnancy when I got the worst eye infection (it looked like a scuba accident,) a cold, pneumonia and then broke a rib coughing-- although now that I can laugh about it, it's safe enough to mention. So please understand that this feels risky. And that at this moment I am trying to overcome a major pride issue.
My main confession is that I am having a really hard time in life. ( I don't want to speak for Jeff, but it's true that we are in this together.) Amelia has been such a challenge for us. I feel like I had approached parenthood knowing that it would be stretching, but feeling like I was definitely up to the challenge. The journey so far has been way beyond my imagination. Not just the challenges of my pregnancy, or the birth experience I hope to never repeat, but the whole deal up until now. Amelia is almost seven months old, and she is still practically sleeping like a newborn. I have written cheerful things before like "it was tough, but we're all sleeping better now," but they should have read, "Amelia was waking up every forty minutes, but now she wakes up every two to three hours, on a good night." She now sleeps four hours at a stretch on a great night. I am trying to think of a stronger word than "exhausted," but I can't at the moment. However, "cranky" is very accurate, and I feel like I am constantly on the verge of a major social blunder. That thing that has typically kept me from speaking my mind when I shouldn't or that helps me choose nice words in a tricky conversation is all gone. Sleep is not the only issue. Amelia has an incredibly dynamic personality and is almost constantly frustrated by... well, I don't know... maybe physical limitations?.. She rarely cries, but hollers almost constantly, and as Grandpa put it, "spends most of her time and energy trying to do things she can't do yet." On the one hand, I try to take her out every day because she LOVES new people and environments and is incredibly and enjoyably social. On the other hand, she rarely lasts more than an hour and a half being out, so I almost never visit friends or do much outside of the home besides running errands. It feels like I've been under house arrest. And so many other things. The breastfeeding not working out. Making formula every day. Cloth diapers. Weekly trips to Herbie's to see what we else we might try. Chiropractic treatments. I have an appointment with an integrative medicine pediatrician in Newport Beach on Thursday to try to figure out what is going on with little A.
It's really, really tough. I have a hard time admitting it, and feel weak doing so. But recently a few people have challenged me to be more honest about where I am at, and the toll all of this has taken. So there it is. I confess, I'm having a hard time.

This is my late Christmas entry. We may also get a New Year's one shortly. Maybe.

Christmas was full of family, as it should be. We went up to Oregon and spent Christmas Eve at J's parents' house, then drove up on Christmas morning to D&H's house to be with siblings for the traditional Sibling Brunch. We spent an extra couple of days scoping out Olympia's potential as a place for us to settle and spending time with David and Heather, whom we have been missing. Then we went back to Portland to spend some quality time with Jeff's sister's family. One highlight was that they took Amelia for a day while Jeff and I enjoyed the city and time alone together!
We had a great time with everyone. It was so good to be with family on both sides, and Amelia is at a very interactive and enjoyable age. Sleep was not so good (at all!) but she loved spending time with so many new people during the daytime, and was on her absolute best behavior. Here is her six month photo.

This year, I made almost all of our gifts, which kept me pretty busy. I enjoyed it a lot. We have misplaced our camera somewhere in our house, so I can't show pictures of everything. But I did get pictures of the biggest project of the year. I got our niece on Jeff's side a tea set and made a bag that keeps the set and doubles as a tablecloth. I didn't have a pattern, so the problem-solving part of making it took much more effort than the actual sewing. Next time it should go pretty quickly.

Ain't she sweet?

We had some family photos taken on Saturday. Little A didn't smile the whole time-- she looked bored out of her mind with her tongue sticking out for most of the shots. The best we could do was get her to squint into the sun to fake a pleasant expression. Of course, once we got home she was all smiles!

Celebrating two years of hard work... I mean wedded bliss!!

It sure doesn't seem like that long ago, but so much has happened in the past couple of years-- marriage, a move, going down to a single income, a baby, a move on the way... So we have plenty to celebrate.


This is our silly prom-style picture for our big date that happened on Saturday. A dear friend babysat for five hours, and we had a blast. We went to our old stomping grounds in South Pasadena, looked in some great little shops and had an amzing dinner at Firefly, where we had our rehearsal dinner. We savored the evening with a long meal and talk of our future years together. We are so thankful that the spouse search is over, and that relief and the awe of constant companionship still feels new!